Just a Number
by myLITTLEnekoSHIRO
Summary: I wanted him to look at me. Just one more time. But I was just a kid. Why would he? So I'll make him. Next time for sure. Kensei/Hisagi, others/OCs/Hisagi, violence, abuse
1. Hello

**Fuccckkkkk I should not be starting a new story. But I am. And I will. Because I want to. And since my new love is Shuuhei Hisagi. **

***cough cough* This is inspired a bit by "Memoirs of a Geisha" and a bit by peppermint quartz's works. Memoirs because it is about how Hisagi came to be who he is and a bit by PQ's because of how she constructed the relationship between Gin and Aizen and Kira. I'm doing the same except with Hisagi. You have been warned. Things might get too OOC for you. You know the drill, don't like don't read. We clear now? Good, moving on.**

**I'm doing this from Hisagi's POV throughout because I sort of love putting myself in someone else's shoes and looking from their perspective. Warnings? Hmmmm, cursing, rape, child abuse, murder, death, Gin, Aizen, the works. Not all combined in this chapter! Gradually! Just giving everyone a heads up. I'll add a warning if needed on the top of a chapter that might be particularly gory. **

**Proceed.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: Hello**

'Arata, slow down!' I panted and put on a burst of speed in order to catch up with my irritating redhead of a friend. Kami, the trouble that guy would get us all into!

The boy turned his head to grin at me, clearly showing the two front teeth he had lost trying to jump over a moving horse cart. See? I told you he's an idiot.

'Shuuhei's right, Arata! We can't keep up!' huffed Keiji. I felt sorry for him. He's more on the pudgy side compared to the rest of us chasing Arata.

'You're just a fatso, Keiji!' Arata taunted and started to run faster.

I scowled. That wasn't nice! We all knew Keiju ate a bit too much but we never teased him for it! It wasn't fair of Arata to do it but then again, Arata was never nice to Keiji.

I picked up speed and ran faster, my bare feet thudding as loud as my heart in my ears as the four of us sprinted through the thick forest and shrubbery. I was at Arata's heels now. Launching myself forward, I jumped the boy and we both landed painfully to the floor, rolling across the earthy ground and into a clearing. Arata hacked a cough as I sat on top of him, giving him the meanest glare I could muster.

'What the hell, Shuuhei?' he yelled as me, trying to shove me off but I held fast. I grabbed the front of his robes and pulled him up, my eyes narrowing.

'Don't think you're all high and mighty, Arata!' I snapped. The rest had caught up and were watching us quietly. 'We all have our faults and weaknesses but we don't tease each other about it! We stand by each other because friends stick together! If we weren't all struggling to stay alive, we would have abandoned you! So be grateful!'

With that, I got off him with a disgusted look. I really couldn't stand Arata at times. He could be such an imbecile. Truly, if we weren't all orphans and depending on each other to survive, I would have kicked his sorry ass out of our group. And Arata knew that. He hated me just as much.

'Why'd you bring us here, Arata?' Kazuki said nervously, hoping the fire had died down now. The silver-haired boy glanced at both of us now that Arata had stood up. Sniffing disdainfully, Arata pointed to a bunch of bushes.

'I found a couple of Shinigami robes over there,' he muttered, not wanting to meet eyes with me.

'So?' Keiji asked in confusion. Arata glared at him but, remembering that I was here, bit back a retort and answered Keiji normally. For once.

'Shinigami's don't leave their robes lying about,' he replied, his eyes shining now. He was inching closer to the place. 'Nor do they leave their tabis or warajis _or_…' his eyes slid over all of us smugly, '…their _zanpaktous_.'

Keiji and Kazuki's eyes widened in awe. I was also slightly in shock and wonderment. It's true; Shinigamis _never_ leave their most prized weapon lying about. It was just unheard off and frankly, stupid.

I frowned. Why were such important ornaments just lying about in the middle of nowhere? Something just didn't add up.

'Let's go play with them!' Arata said excitedly and began to jog towards the bushes.

'Huh? Wait! No!' I yelled in alarm as the other boys followed gleefully.

'Why not, Shuu? It sounds like fun!' Kazuki insisted.

'I always wanted to be a Shinigami and have my own zanpaktou!' Keiji said dreamily.

'Something doesn't seem right!' I pleaded. Everyone had stopped to listen to me. Even Arata. 'Please, you guys, I think something horrible must have happened to those Shinigamis! It's just really weird to find zanpaktous completely unguarded!'

'Shuuhei's just a chicken!' Arata chanted, smirking at me. I scowled and clenched my hands into fists.

'I know I'm right,' I continued to speak through gritted teeth. 'It could be a trap.'

Arata snorted and strode up to me, fear from last time conveniently vanishing.

'Are you going to cry again, Shuu-hei?' he sneered. I felt my face redden. How _dare_ he bring that up! He was such an _asshole_!

The others were silent, not daring to interfere.

'Shut it, Arata,' I growled.

'Why? You're nothing but a big, fat, scaredy-!'

'HOLLOW!' Kazuki suddenly shrieked and pointed behind my shoulder.

Arata's face paled and I felt all the blood draining from my own as I whipped around to come face to face with a gigantic Hollow structured like a monstrous dinosaur. It roared angrily, as if irritated in having its sneak attack spoiled.

My body was frozen. I didn't know if I could even move. Then, the Hollow's head darted down to strike and I felt the feeling return to my limbs.

'Duck!' I screamed and dragged Arata to one side. The ground exploded at where the Hollow struck.

'ARATA, MOVE!'

The boy was frozen. His eyes were transfixed on the monstrous Hollow. I pulled at him even more frantically when the Hollow rediscovered us. It reared its head back to strike once more. My eardrums explode as the Hollow let out another angry ear-splitting shriek. That seemed to wake Arata. He blinked and gazed up at me slowly. I could feel my body shaking in fright now. We had to move fast.

'Shuuhei,' he murmured in confusion, as if he didn't know what was going on. 'What-'

The Hollow now plunged right between us. Without even thinking, I shoved the redhead away from me in order to avoid us both being eaten. However, being separated from me brought the boy to his senses. He became hysterical.

'SHUUHEI!' he screamed in panic, his eyes so wide they almost covered half his face. He scrambled up and began to run towards me, hands outstretched to grab me. That's when I noticed something darting out the corner of my eye. A fist clenched around my heart.

'Arata, stop!' I began to yell but it was too late.

A tentacle from the Hollow's back slithered around Arata's waist, dragging the screaming boy up to its owner's huge mouth and chopped down on him. I wanted to throw up as I heard bones crunching, blood dripping, and flesh ripping. I shakily backed up next to my friends. I had never feared death as much as I did that day.

The Hollow prepared for another attack. I scrunched my eyes shut.

'Run!' I yelled. 'If you want to live you have to run!'

I faced a frightened Keiji and Kazuki. We all saw what happened to Arata. I was relieved that they had enough sense to listen to me now.

Heart pounding frantically against my chest, I panicked when I realized how slowly we were moving. I was faster than the others; I could survive. But Keji and Kazuki…they weren't going to make it. Not unless the Hollow was distracted.

I skidded to a halt and ran back, praying I knew what the hell I was doing. To my relief, I spotted a long branch. It was no sword but it would have to do. Grasping it firmly, I took on a warrior stance and faced the Hollow charging towards me. My legs were threatening to collapse under me but I knew if I didn't do this we were all doomed.

The Hollow's tentacle swung out to meet me. I flinched as it drew nearer; I knew what it did to Arata and that scared me. Still, I steeled myself and whacked it hard. I turned around, hoping Keiji and Kazuki had escaped but to my horror, they hadn't moved.

'What are you waiting for? Run!' I shouted desperately, while simultaneously beating off the tentacle.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, _another_ feeler wrapped itself around my waist. Air whizzed through my ears as I was lifted so suddenly off the ground. My brain rattled in my skull and I felt like my entire body was numb; I couldn't feel anything. My throat felt raw, like I had swallowed shards of glass; then I realized that I was screaming myself hoarse. I thought I was blind and surrounded my darkness but coming to me sense, I saw it was the Hollow's mouth rushing to greet me. I squeezed my eyes shut, my heart pattering like crazy. This was it. I was going to die.

I was falling now. Did the monster swallow me instead of chewing me down like Arata? I hit the ground. Hard. Pain lanced up my body and I coughed as dust entered my mouth. Wait, dirt?

I opened my eyes and I realized I was on the ground with the sun shining down on my back. My heart swelled with joy. I was alive! But how?

A shadow eclipsed over me. Daring to look up, I gasped. Because before stood the most remarkable man I had ever laid eyes on.

His hair was a silvery grey, brushing down like a waterfall. His hakama parted in the front to show off his well-defined chest and arms. He wore a white haori too.

My eyes widened. I was in the presence of a taicho from the 13 Court Guard Squads.

'You better get out of here quick,' the man uttered in a husky tone. The authority that voice oozed made my spine tingle. 'You don't want to die, do you?'

He was right. I didn't want to die. Not like this. But I didn't want to leave either. I had never seen a Shinigami, let alone a _taicho_ battle before. And it was spectacular. He took on the Hollow _all by _himself. I didn't know which Division he belonged to but he was powerful. And his zanpaktou…it cut through the Hollow like it was melted butter. That Hollow didn't stand a chance against him! And he didn't even break a sweat!

My mouth hung open as I watched the entire spectacle unfold before my very eyes. I had never seen anything like it. I was in awe. This man…this man was a _God_.

I stared down at my slender hands, hands that people often teased should belong to a pretty bride. It annoyed me to no ends, realizing how weak I was. I wish I was stronger.

I crumbled to my knees. I wish…I wish…

My eyes were welling up. I hastily tried to wipe them away but they just weren't stopping. Kami, can I never stop crying about stupid things?

'Hey, kid, what are you crying about?' sounded a brash voice from above. I recognized it immediately. It was the taicho. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. He knew I was crying but it was even more embarrassing if he saw me while I cried.

'Come on! Smile!'

I guess I should…try. A _taicho_ was telling me after all.

I glanced up a little and backtracked in horror. That wasn't a smile! I didn't know what it was! Whatever it was, it just made the tears well up even faster in my eyes.

'It's a bit much, don't you think?' one his subordinates muttered at him. The captain sighed in aggravation. Then, without warning, he pulled me to my feet. I looked up at him in surprise.

'What's your name, kid?' he grunted, his eyes narrowing. I was almost tempted to run away but I held my ground. I wanted to show him I was brave enough to be in his presence.

'Shuu…' I hiccoughed. Kami, could this get any more humiliating? 'Shuuhei Hisagi.'

'That's a strong name,' he replied almost instantly. Despite my eyes being as red as a tomato, I glowed at that compliment. Too bad my emotions went haywire and I started crying even more. 'Oh Kami, will you stop crying! Jeez!'

Thank Kami, someone interrupted him. A bright green-haired woman with a fukutaicho badge tied to her arm. And she was holding up a Shinigami robe.

'Look what I found, Kensei!' she hushed. 'There are more in those bushes!'

She was pointing to the same ones Arata had. So I was right! There _was_ something off about Arata's discovery!

I was so lost in thought I didn't realize that the taicho of the squad was talking to me again.

'You should go home,' he murmured, his eyes grave. Had they been discussing something serious?

I didn't have time to ask. He turned to leave. And as he did, his kosode parted further to reveal a tattoo etched sharply across his abs right below his pectorals. They stood out distinctly, two numbers that seemed to have no meaning but at the same time, have so much to them.

69.

My body inclined forward, as if I wanted to follow him. I stopped myself just in time and watched him walk away with the chatty woman, his face seared into my brain. I wanted him to look at me again. I wanted him to recognize me as an equal individual. Right now, I was just a child, a nobody, an orphan. I was no one important. It never bothered me before until I met him. To him, I wanted to be a somebody. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to be a _Shinigami_.

I clenched my hands into fists.

I will make him recognize me. Next time we meet, he won't look down at me but acknowledge me. For I _will_ see him again.


	2. Strangers

**Chapter 2: Strangers**

Sixty-nine.

I scratched the number once again onto the bark of the tree branch I was sleeping on.

Sixty-nine.

Crickets chirped loudly and audibly in the starry night as I tried to fall asleep. Emphasis on try. Keiji snored as loudly as a wild boar. That and the fact that I couldn't get that taicho out of my head let alone the haunting number that had been etched across his abdomen.

Sixty-nine.

Kami, if anyone saw the bark after I was done with it they might think I was obsessed.

I paused, setting the sharp stone I was using as a carver aside.

Perhaps I was obsessed. I couldn't stop thinking about him, no matter how hard I tried. Not even when the three of us stole onigiri and I got to have two all to myself. And I _loved _onigiri.

I gazed at the forest on my left.

I wanted to see him again. No, scratch that, I _needed _to see him again. Otherwise I'd go mad.

I dropped backwards only to catch the branch with both hands just before I fell to the ground. I let myself down gently then before taking off into the night.

I knew where the camp was. I watched the group construct it and everything. But that's only because the white-haired taicho was standing around, giving everyone orders. The green-haired woman, the fukutaicho, was by his side and when she was, she'd always be poking fun at him.

I couldn't help laughing when he'd get super pissed off and his subordinates had to hold him back from trying to strangle her. Though as soon as I let a giggle escape I'd have to run away since I didn't want him to find me spying.

I stopped in a clearing to find the tree I had marked. In case I forgot where the camp was.

I found the sixty-nine I had carved in. I felt my cheeks redden when I saw it. Oh Kami, I was hopelessly obsessed.

My legs felt heavy now. Could I really be so persistent in seeing the taicho? I mean, I didn't _have to _see him right now. Did I?

My body was getting heavier. Then, I realized how odd that was. Why was my body feeling this way? This wasn't normal.

I glanced around in surprise. Was there someone with intense reiatsu walking about?

Suddenly, a terrifying roar ripped through the forest. It rang in my ears and I crumbled to the ground, covering my ears desperately in false hope it would stop my body from shaking. The screaming wouldn't stop.

Wait, screaming?

That was me. The screaming was coming from me.

Sweat poured down my face and made my yukata stick to my back and legs. My legs felt like they had been nailed to the ground. I couldn't move from my position. The flow of reiatsu in the air was so heavy I could barely breathe. My sight was even wavering in and out of focus.

'I'm going to die, I want to die, I have to die,' I chanted to myself as the pressure on my body increased so dramatically I felt like my bones were going to turn to dust any second now.

Then, the face of the taicho appeared in my head. I was shocked. He was giving me the same look when I had been crying in front of him. Like he was telling me that I was stronger than this.

I felt my own inner strength flare.

I _was_ stronger than this. How could I face the taicho again when I'm this weak? How could I make him acknowledge me if I was this pathetic?

Taking a deep breath, I moved my hands away from my ears. The shrieking had stopped now and the pressure was coming in pulses. It was still too much for my little body to take but I couldn't afford to chicken out now.

Mustering enough strength, I began to crawl away from the pressure. I didn't know which way I was going but any way away from that painful surge was good enough from me. But how long could I keep going before my body gave up on me?

As if in answer to my question, the whirling reiatsu suddenly ebbed away. I was midway in raising my hand to pull myself forward when it stopped. The sudden surge of feeling back in my limbs made me fall face first into the sandy floor.

Breathing hard, the aches in my body throbbed and heated up, trying to heal me. I wanted to get back up on my feet, the ground was uncomfortable, but I just couldn't will my body to move. It was so exhausted, since I had pulled out strength I never knew I had, and moving even a finger made my mind reel.

I don't know how long I stayed like that. Maybe an hour. Maybe more. All I know is that I finally got the feeling back in myself to start moving.

I sat up, my legs tucked under me, and flexed my fingers. No broken bones or anything. I glowed a little. I wasn't as weak as I thought I was.

I jumped right into a tree as an explosion went off somewhere in the forest. My eyes widened as I noticed the plume of smoke. Who the hell was trying to set fire to the forest?

I followed the trail of smoke and felt my heart skip a beat. That was in the direction of the taicho's camp!

My hands covered my mouth in horror. What had just happened?

Without a thought, I rushed to the scene, all sorts of terrifying scenarios popping up in my head. But all the while, I didn't care about everyone else. All I wanted to know was if the taicho was safe.

I didn't get far before I heard the grass rustle and footsteps patter across the ground.

I stopped moving and held my breath. It was more than one set of footsteps for sure. I prayed that one of them would be the taicho.

To my disappointment, it wasn't. They were Shinigamis but I didn't know any of them to be from the taicho's camp.

I squinted. No, one of them was. The dark-skinned one with the odd face covering. What was he doing with these strangers?

The silver-haired boy looked in my direction suddenly. It was a strange feeling considering he barely opened his eyes. But the way he whipped his head around to grin at me felt like a viper injecting its poison into my veins. This was not good.

I don't know what possessed me to stay. I should have run. But I had a sinking feeling that even if I ran, that boy would have caught up with me. I tried to convince myself that he was probably an errand boy for the Shinigamis. There was _no_ _way _a boy as young as that could be a seated officer. But the superb shunpo he executed to reach me was so smooth that there was no way he was just an errand boy.

He grinned toothily at me. Without a word, he smashed the heel of his foot against my skull and sent me skidding across the dirt floor, my head throbbing like it was on fire.

I gasped aloud as I finally came to standstill, clutching my aching head in my trembling hands. The kick hadn't dulled my senses and I could hear the light skipping of feet coming closer and closer. I curled up into a ball as his shadow loomed over me. There was a pause which seemed deadly itself, before I heard something whistling through the air and then-

'Gin, stop it.' A curt, cutting voice. The whistling stopped.

'I was just having some fun.' A chirpy voice from above me. A sound of steel sliding somewhere that made me grit my teeth. 'I wasn't _really_ going to kill him. Just a precaution in case he saw something.'

Saw what?

I looked up just as the boy called Gin glanced down at me with his cocky smirk. For someone so young, he could have been a few decades older than me, he was so confident of his actions. Perhaps it was because he was in the presence of two adult Shinigamis. I wonder which one had he listened to so easily.

The brown-haired Shinigami smiled demurely at the two of us. The black spectacles perched on his nose gave him a trusting look. Like there was nothing evil about him.

'Gin, he saw nothing,' he remarked. This voice was calm and collected, very unlike the cold one before. Then had this boy listened to the officer from the 9th division?

The spectacled man strolled calmly towards us. He slipped a hand towards me. I hesitated.

It wasn't like I hated this man. I just felt odd. There was something about his reiatsu. It was slightly ragged, like it had undergone some extensive exercise. I don't know how I was able to detect that. I believe that after exerting my own reiatsu earlier, I think I had honed it a little to be able to perceive other reiatsus.

For example, the silver-haired boy's was playful but sly, licking at the edges of my reiatsu as if testing to see where I was weakest. Perhaps to strike me. He was not a person to be trusted. And it questioned as to why a kind man like this brown-haired one was in his presence.

'I don't bite,' the man with glasses laughed.

His glasses slipped a little down his nose but he kept his hand poised in a warm gesture towards me. Then I noticed the badge strapped to his arm. The badge of a fukutaicho. My guilt swam up, for I was making a _fukutaicho_ help a street rat like myself.

So I took his hand.

It was soft but dry, calluses across the top of his palm, maybe because of always wielding a sword.

He squeezed mine and the action made my skin tingle. I looked away, feeling myself flush again. When the Shinigami chuckled a little, my skin just burned even more. It felt so odd to be in the presence of such a kindly officer all of a sudden. Even the taicho of the 9th division hadn't been this kind to me.

I suddenly felt something cold and sharp tickle my bare legs, making me jump and wrench my hand from the Shinigami's. I stared incredulously at the culprit, the Gin boy who flicked his blade lazily in my face before sheathing it.

'Aizen-sama, you're getting distracted,' he yawned and linked his arm with the Shinigami before giving the man a silly grin. 'Gin wants to go back home and play.'

'Yes, yes, so I promised,' the one called Aizen-sama laughed. He fixed his glasses and looked down at me again. 'You have an impressive store of power, young one. Be sure to apply for the Shinigami Academy exams when you are older. You will certainly rise through the ranks!'

I looked at him, stunned. This was the first time anyone had complimented me like that. It felt…it felt…

'Fuck that!' Gin scoffed and stuck his tongue out at me. I gaped at him. Did he just swear in front of a seated officer? 'He's probably just a street whore, Aizen-sama! Just a pretty face with no brains!'

'Language, Gin,' Aizen-sama sighed.

Gin just smirked at me in a condescending way which really made me see red.

'I'm not stupid!' I blurted out angrily. 'I can pass the exam! You'll see!'

'He's got a wicked tongue too!' Gin guffawed.

'Enough. This is pointless bantering.' It was the 9th division officer. I frowned. He didn't sound like that cold voice that had stopped Gin from killing me. Then, who had spoken? 'We need to leave before we are blamed for the mess back there.'

Back there?

My heart quickened. Could they possibly know what had happened earlier?

Before I could ask, the one called Aizen-sama was walking away.

'You are right, Kaname,' he murmured. Gin skipped next to him, probably happy his Aizen-sama was no longer paying any attention to me. 'We best take our leave.' He turned around one more time to smile at me. I could see Gin sulking. 'By the way, you have exquisite hands, young one.'

They all shunpo-ed away, leaving me to stare at the empty space. The sound of crickets once again filled the air. Or perhaps they were always there and I just never noticed. For a minute, I forgot why I was out there in the forest in the first place. Then I remembered.

The taicho.

As fast as I could run, I managed to make it to the camp and just as quickly, backed into the shelter of the forest, hands covering my mouth in shock.

It was a devastation. It was hard to believe that anyone would even be there. The ground was upturned, craters littered everywhere and smoldering fires where tents should have been. There was not a soul in sight. Not even the taicho.

My legs trembled. Was he dead?

My sight blurred. I clenched my eyes shut tightly, wiping away any excess tears.

I don't want believe he was dead. He couldn't be. He wasn't weak. All those reiatsus earlier, one of them _had _to be his. He had been fighting and probably escaped. He. Was. _Alive_.

I looked up into the leafy canopy of the trees, stray moonbeams shining through to light patterns on the ground.

But where?


	3. Rejection

**Chapter 3: Rejection**

I breathed deeply, closing my eyes. Then, I looked up and stared at myself in the sole spotted mirror in the room.

Not a smear on my robes, my face scrubbed clean, my hair…well, unruly as ever but I couldn't fix that. I hadn't gotten it cut in a while either. Last time I tried I almost nicked my ear off. I still had the scar as a reminder to never try again.

I turned around to face a silver, long-haired teen. The boy was currently giving me a bored look while lying on the bed of the room we were renting just for the week. Funds were hard to come by.

I beamed.

'Think I look presentable enough, Kazuki?' I asked hopefully.

Kazuki worried at his lower lip, his eyes travelling slowly over me.

'You look good,' he murmured, his eyes lingering on my face.

I smiled, already feeling giddy as I turned to face the mirror again. Then, I slipped a hand into the folds of my yukata belt to pull out a scrap of white cloth. It wasn't coarse or made from some tough material. It was soft, like a feather in weight and feel, and it glided through my fingers like one.

I consciously placed it against my cheek, the fabric cool against it. I still remembered the day I found it, so, so vividly…

_Coughing, I trudged miserably through the still smoldering debris. There was still no sign of the taicho. Face it. He was not here. Why did I still bother looking?_

_A glimpse of white fluttered in the corner of my eye. _

_I whirled around quickly, heart pounding. But just as quickly, it plummeted. It was nothing but a piece of cloth caught in a slowly burning piece of wood. _

_For some reason, I was drawn to it. _

_Stepping cautiously so as not to fall into a crater, I made my way to the cloth. It blew in the air like it was waving at me, beckoning me closer. Hypnotized, I reached out and hungrily claimed it, bringing it close to my chest like it was some kind of lost baby. _

It was probably some ordinary cloth, a part of a robe or a tent. But in the back of my mind, I let my imagination run and believed it to be from the haori worn by the 9th Division taicho I was so obsessed with. It was a foolish thought, but my belief was so strong, I saw it as nothing else but the truth. Hence, I had kept it safely, taking care never to reveal it to any of my friends.

It did not concern them. They wouldn't care. They wouldn't _understand_ how much this cloth meant to me. To them, it was probably a rag. But to me, it was proof that the man who had influenced me so deeply had existed and was not a figment of my imagination. And it was because of him, I was going to try my luck for the Shino Academy entrance exam right now.

I frowned, tucking the cloth back into my belt. I know it wasn't just because of the taicho I was trying this year. A very wise fukutaicho once told me that I should try my luck when I was older. Kami knows how many years have passed before I felt confident enough to try.

But what had kept stopping me was my fear of facing the taicho again.

What if I was still a weakling? What if he was disgusted by my lack of skills? Or worse, what if he didn't remember me?

I knew it was highly likely that he would remember a crybaby. But the thought still hurt.

I wanted to be in his presence so badly, wanted to know everything about him. Every scrape of information I could find about the Gotei I would devour hungrily, hoping to one day hear about him and learn his identity. But who would tell a brat from the lowest Rukongai district? If I wanted to be recognized, I had to join the Academy and rise through the ranks. Only then will I earn what I desired. Nothing came easily. You needed to work for it.

'Shuu, are you listening to me?'

'Huh?'

I turned around to face Kazuki and almost jumped when I saw how close he had gotten to me. I had been so engrossed in my thoughts I didn't realize he had moved.

'Do you have to go for the exam?' Kazuki murmured softly. I looked up at him; he had grown a few inches taller than me and I was slightly envious of that. Before, Keiji had been the runt of the group but then, when he had passed away, I became the shortest in the group. Though you could hardly call us a group since it was just me and Kazuki now.

My eyes widened. Was Kazuki reluctant to have me apply because he was afraid of being alone?

'Hey,' I said gently and patted his shoulder. 'You know you can apply as well with me.'

'I haven't studied for it like you have. And besides, I don't really want to become a Shinigami,' he sighed heavily and fixed me with a mournful look.

It pulled at my heart but I knew he was trying to guilt me into staying. I had a goal and I was not going to let up.

'I'm sorry, Kazuki, but you know this has been my dream,' I answered. I pushed my shoulders back, trying to stand a little taller. 'Wish me luck.'

As I began to walk past him, he suddenly grabbed my wrist, holding me in place. I gave him a perplexed look.

'Kazuki, let me go. I'm going to be late,' I asked politely. He didn't reply. 'Kazuki, I'm serious! If you don't let go I'll-!'

'I love you!' he suddenly blurted out. The tips of his ears pinked. But I think my own ears were filled with cotton balls because I just couldn't seem to understand what he had just said.

'What?' I asked blankly.

'Shuuhei!' he cried out in anguish, turning around and grabbing both my shoulders, making me look into his pleading eyes. 'I…I've had feelings for you for a long time now but all you have ever been obsessed with is getting into the Academy! And then, Keiji died and I thought that we needed to stick together more than ever! I thought you'd understand that! But you…you were still hung up over the Academy!'

'You know why, Kazuki!' I said in alarm. This sudden outburst was…it was just so _strange! _Had I never noticed this about Kazuki before?

'Are you so blind, Shuuhei?'

He was sobbing now. I wanted to pull away. I kept thinking that Kazuki was ill. He had to be. He just wasn't talking sense!

'Can you not _see_? Can you not see that I need you? How can you be so…so _selfish_?'

I finally had the nerve to push him away. He stumbled backwards into the mirror. He gave me a bleary look and I saw, in the mirror behind him, that my face was white and scared.

'Kazuki,' I said shakily. 'I…I cannot accept your feelings because I do not feel the same way. I _never _felt the same way…' he winced at my words. But they were the truth. '…and I'm sorry, but I'm going to apply to the Academy and there is nothing you can do to stop me.'

His eyes slanted in agony. Then, he leapt at me.

I cried out in surprise, trying to bat him away but he grabbed my wrists, pulling me closer. A squeak barely escaped my lips before he sealed them with his. The touch jolted me. His lips were wet. They felt weird. They felt…_gross._

'Geroff!' I mumbled and beat his chest. He squeezed my wrists painfully, tears sliding down his face, but he continued to press his mouth harshly against mine.

I felt my anger rise. Kazuki had gone too far.

I kicked his knee with all my might. He groaned, wrenching his mouth from mine. Gasping for air, I quickly boxed his face, causing him to crumble to the ground in a heap. My cheeks burned as I could still feel his lips on me. I hastily rubbed my mouth with my forearm, hoping to wipe that feeling away. He looked up from his position and I don't know whether he winced in pain because I had hurt him physically or emotionally due to the way I was treating his affection for me.

'You're disgusting!' I blurted out before I could stop myself. I was blinking rapidly, holding back my tears. I had promised, the minute I had met the taicho, that I would never to cry over something pitiful ever again. I stomped over to the curtain serving as a door. I knew I shouldn't have said this but I was so furious and confused, I seemed to have forgotten how to filter my words. 'I never want to see you again!'

And I ran off, not caring where just as long as it was far away from the shocked look on Kazuki's face. But it was etched into my mind and no matter how much I ran, the image just wouldn't blur.

Why did he kiss me? I _clearly_ told him that I didn't like him like that! Kazuki could be so stupid!

And selfish! Kami, and he said _I _was selfish? At least I didn't force myself on someone else who _clearly_ didn't want to be in a relationship with me!

The feel of his lips on mine just wasn't fading. Damn it, damn it, _damn it_! He was _so stupid_! I _hated _him!

I finally stopped when I realized where I had reached. It was just the outskirts of the Rukongai district. Up ahead was the line of students filing into the Academy to give the entrance exam.

My heart, which had just started to slow down, suddenly sped up. This was it. The big exam. Once I passed, I was one step closer to my taicho.

I nervously patted my hair as much into place as I could, also making sure there were no smudges on my face and what not. I also felt my belt to make sure I hadn't lost the haori cloth.

I stepped into line. Everyone looked so proper and decent. Probably from well to do families. I felt conscious of my appearance around them, like they were looking down on me.

But there were also a few who looked like they had just gotten up from the road and came to give the exam. It made me feel a bit better about myself.

When it was my turn, I gave my name. The man at the table gave me an encouraging smile. He looked kind enough. Oddly, he had two small bumps on his forehead, like two horns. I wondered if it was a family trait or an accident.

I took a deep breath as I took a seat right next to the giant window, gazing out at the rest of the Rukongai districts. Somewhere in those little houses, Kazuki was sitting inside. All alone.

All of a sudden, I felt pity well up for my friend. I had been his only friend and now, I had abandoned him because I just couldn't accept his feelings. No. I had insulted him. I had belittled him and made him think his feelings were _wrong_.

I clenched my hands into fists, tearing my gaze away from the sprawling city.

There was nothing wrong about caring for someone like that. But the reason I had rejected Kazuki so violently was because I didn't want it to be _him_.

Deep down, right to the core of my soul, I had only wanted one man's declaration. And it hurt that when Kazuki had kissed me, I had pretended it was that man and wished almost desperately that it had been him and not Kazuki.

A worksheet was slid in front of me. A bell chimed. The exam began.


	4. Purity

**Chapter 4: Purity**

I felt empty.

Not the kind you feel when you haven't had a meal for a week. I've felt that. Plenty of times. This was a different kind of empty. Like it was my soul that was starving.

I dragged my feet across the street, hiding my face from everybody that passed by.

I didn't want them to see me. I felt like everyone knew the results. That everyone knew my humiliation.

I mean, it was displayed on a board for all to see. Everyone was probably murmuring about how Hisagi Shuuhei failed the exam and how they pitied him.

My heart grew heavier. I no longer had the strength in me to keep moving on. It was like I was carrying a mountain. A mountain of humiliation and shame.

The clouds started to collide into one another above me, taking on a worried gray tinge. A rumbling sounded through the wide streets, as if the clouds were grumbling at each other for bumping into them. Even though I was feeling as gloomy as the sky, I sure as hell didn't want to be soaked by the incoming downpour.

I managed to spot an awning just as a drop hit my cheek. My weighty heart made it difficult to reach the awning in time. When I reached the shelter, my hair was sticking uncomfortably to my face and it felt like I was wearing nothing. Perfect.

I shivered as a gust of wind blew. I curled up at the steps of the building and my senses were suddenly attacked by the delicious smells of food.

My mouth watered. By some stroke of luck, I had chosen to sit outside a noodle shop.

My stomach twisted as I heard people laughing inside, slurping loudly at their bowls and lips smacking as audibly as the raindrops pattering on the roads. Someone had even lit a fire inside and I could practically feel the edge of its heat warming my back. I shuddered.

I longed to go back to the rented room. But I had a feeling Kazuki had probably left and I didn't have enough money to rent it again. Or worse, he would still be there.

Kami, help me.

My hand unconsciously reached into my obi, my fingertips tingling as I touched the haori cloth there. I couldn't resist pulling it out to marvel at its whiteness. There must be some kind of spell on it. Nothing could stay so white for so long. And this fact alone was enough proof that it could be no ordinary cloth I had found.

I began to stroke it, smoothing out the creases as I sat it on one wet knee, all past desire for food and warmth gone as I watched the cloth, transfixed.

I began to imagine it being bigger, wider, and more evenly shaped. Like a _real_ haori robe. And wrapping the shoulders of a broad man with lovely silver hair…

'Hey!'

A sharp voice. With an anxious edge to it. I turned around and my jaw dropped.

Was that…silver hair?

'Excuse me, but I have to ask you to leave,' the silver-haired figure spoke again but meekly this time. I frowned. It didn't sound like him. In fact, it sounded more like a woman. 'You are actually disturbing the customers.'

It was a woman. Actually, she looked younger. And incredibly boney. No wonder I mistook her for a man at first. She was probably a server at the shop.

Somehow, I was disappointed. But I had been hoping for something incredibly stupid. Honestly, outside some random Rukongai _noodle_ shop? Kami, I could laugh at myself sometimes.

'Oh,' I only mumbled. I didn't have the energy in me to argue. Let those idiots scarf their food down like animals. _They_ were disturbing _me._

I got up.

'Kami, you're soaked!' she noted in dismay, her eyes widening as she took me in.

As if on cue, my body shivered. Now she gave me a pitying look. It pissed me. I didn't need any pity.

Then she took my hand and to my surprise, began to lead me inside.

'You poor thing,' she tutted, 'you can't go out while it's pouring out there!'

But her words were lost on me. I was suddenly engulfed in the warmth I had been envying only a few minutes ago. I basked in it, my entire body instantly overflowing with heat and delight for some form of comfort. I didn't even bother looking at the annoyed customers as we glided by. I just hoped I splashed water on them as I walked by.

She led me to a back room cut off from the rest by a curtain. I choked. It was the kitchen. And it was simply overflowing with the most amazing scents you could ever imagine. I thought I was in heaven.

'Keep moving,' she muttered, nudging the small of back to make me walk past pots and pots of soups, udon, soba and, fuck, was that _yakitori_?

Before I could even be tempted to just steal one, the girl had shoved me out into the back of the shop. Sheltered by another awning, thankfully.

She guided me up some stairs to a little door which she opened with a key tucked in her obi. The room was tiny. Actually, you could hardly call it a room. It looked like a linen cupboard. Was this her room?

She began to shift through some folded robes next to the door before throwing a simple, faded brown one in my direction.

'Change,' she instructed, 'before you catch a cold. I'll be right back.'

She bustled out of the room, leaving me alone. I stared at the closed door, listening to my breath and the water dripping from my hair. I clenched the robe tightly before tossing it to one side and undoing the wet robe I was currently wearing.

But before undressing, I set my precious white cloth to one side, glancing at it once in a while as I slipped into the warm and dry robe and squeezing the excess water out of my hair.

Once I was done, I tentatively walked up to it, crouching down to run a finger over the silky fabric. Still dry. Was that another spell?

'Thank goodness,' breathed a voice behind me. Instinctively, I grabbed the cloth and quickly tucked it inside my obi while swiveling around to see the intruder. It was the girl again. And she had a tray laden with food. She laughed at me. I suppose I was looking rather hungrily at the tray. 'I knew you'd be hungry.'

As soon as she set the tray down, I attacked it like a wild beast. I know I might seem like a hypocrite for berating all the customers before but unlike them, I didn't get a chance to have a meal like this on a daily basis. This was a feast for me, even if it was only a bowl of ramen and two sticks of yakitori. I finished those in two minutes flat.

But as I poised my chopsticks over my ramen, I paused, a strange feeling overcoming me. Then, I placed them on the tray, folding my hands in my lap and lowering my head. The girl glanced at me in worry.

'Is something the matter?' she asked in concern.

'Everything good in life has a price,' I replied softly.

This wasn't a lesson I was taught as a child by my parents or anything. I never knew them. I was born in Rukongai without them. This was a lesson I was self-taught from enduring years of hardship and suffering.

The girls nodded.

'How very true,' she agreed, smiling lightly. 'But the only price you have to pay is to enjoy the meal. That is all I ask.'

I raised my eyebrows at her. Then, I pressed my palms together in front of me as if in prayer.

'Itadaki-masu,' I murmured before picking up my bowl with renewed enthusiasm and ate heartily.

As the girl watched me, I watched her.

She wasn't pretty. Her silver hair was cut pretty choppily, like she had done it herself. Her body and face was slender. She had a bulbous nose that seemed to dominate her face. Probably the only thing pretty about her was her eyes. They were a lovely shade of aqua green/sky blue, it was hard to tell, that shimmered from the only candle light flickering in the room. I liked them.

Once I was done, I gave a content sigh, closing my eyes in bliss.

'Did you like that?' she asked. She was such a curious thing. Or maybe she was just feeling awkward, like she couldn't really understand why she was helping a complete stranger.

I decided to put her mind at ease and smiled at her.

'Very much so, thank you,' I answered as politely as she could. She tilted her head to one side, still observing my face. 'You want to ask something else go ahead. I promise not to bite.'

She jumped at my statement before lowering her head quickly, hands twisting in her similarly fading tawny yukata.

'I was…wondering,' she mumbled, a pinkness slowly blooming across her face. 'What section of the district you are from, judging from your features.'

'Oh?' I quirked an eyebrow. I was curious now. 'Where do you think I'm from?'

She licked her lips nervously.

'Well, you have rather sharp features,' she said softly, her eyes flicking onto me shyly. 'Your eyes are dark and mysterious, like you are hiding a secret. Your hair is really dark, like those from a noble clan. And your skin is smooth. I have never seen such smooth skin except on courtesans. And your lips…' here her face now flared red, '…they are very, ummm, _full_ and perfectly shaped. I…I assumed you were a noble's son who was lost.'

'Is that why you helped me?'

'No.'

'Then?'

'You seemed…sad. It didn't sit right with me to leave you there and especially after I scolded you, telling you to leave. Oh, I feel horrible about that!'

Here, she buried her red as a tomato face in her hands.

'Hey, hey, hey,' I hushed, grabbing her hands away from her face. I attempted a smile. I think I had forgotten all my past sorrow looking at her grief-stricken face. 'It's okay. Everyone makes mistakes. You just have to learn from them. I'm just glad I met someone with a kind heart.'

Her eyes were focused on my hands as I cupped hers. I gave them a gentle squeeze.

'I'm very grateful for your help,' I now murmured, trying to get her to look at me again. Staring at her with her bent head was making me feel awkward. 'I needed some comfort. I know it is pouring, but I should be leaving. It isn't right for me to stay here.'

I made to get up. She suddenly yanked me down. I stared at her, confused. Then, she traced the lines on my palms with her fingers. I shivered. Her touch was a little rough. I guess it was from scrubbing and serving in the shop.

'You have…' she whispered in an awed tone. She finally looked up at me, her eyes shining. '…_beautiful _hands.'

Her _eyes_ were the beautiful things in this room right now. I couldn't tear myself away from them.

I leaned forward. I could feel her breath on my face. It smelled like spicy soup. She smelled like one too.

I kissed her. She tasted like plums, oddly enough. Wet plums.

* * *

I'd never had sex before.

I thought I would be really clumsy with Mika's body. She told me her name was Mika after I finished kissing her. I breathed mine to her as I pulled her robe open. She told me this was her first time too so I didn't have to be so nervous.

For a minute, I had just stared at her naked body, not knowing what to do. I had never seen breasts before and I didn't know what to do with them. I had hesitantly reached out and grabbed one and almost pulled away when she moaned.

I had heard something like that before. Alley cats yowling like that at night. Now I knew why. They'd been fucking.

She was all angles and bones except for her breasts. She tended to wear a boy's yukata to hide her chest and now I knew why. Her chest was _enormous._

I couldn't stop playing with them, watching them jiggle with every touch. I would mush them together and watch, with amazement, as they quivered back into place. Her nipples were dark, hardened nubs perched atop milky globes. They wobbled with every gasp she made as I licked her stomach, making my way slowly down to her secret garden.

It was massively jungle-like. The hair there was short and thick, like a hairbrush's bristles. And silver. Guess she was a natural silverhead.

I pulled it apart, like I was opening a book, and marveled at how red and fleshy it looked. It even felt plump. And wet.

My heart leapt into my throat as I slipped one finger in. It was so damn tight. Was this really where I was supposed to fit my thing?

Another finger.

Mika was gasping like a fish now; chest heaving, breasts shaking violently and back arching off the thin mattress.

Should I slip one more finger in?

I did.

Mika was crying and writhing now. I pulled my fingers out, my tongue literally swollen in my mouth.

'I'm sorry,' I babbled. 'I didn't…I shouldn't…'

'Please!' she gasped, suddenly grabbing my fingers and driving them back into her body. This time, I gasped. But I didn't falter.

Without wasting time, I positioned myself between her spread legs, rolled my yukata aside, and, stroking my dick to harden fully, entered her in one swipe.

She screamed this time, jolting off the floor once. I shuddered, reveling in the tightness around my dick. I swallowed, my mouth as dry as a desert. I only started to move when she started bouncing on my cock, desperate for me to move. After that, I didn't hold back.

I drove in with all my might, making her writhe and cry and scream my name. Thunder rolled outside but all I could hear were her pleas for me to go harder, faster. It was getting slippery as she got wetter.

I was dripping sweat, wondering how long I'd last, how long she'd last. Wondering if this was what Kazuki wanted to do to me.

Why did Kazuki suddenly pop up in my head? Did he want to fuck me like this? How? I didn't have a vagina like Mika did. I had heard two guys could fuck but I always wondered how. Did Kazuki know? Did he want to try it out on me? Is that why he told me he loved me? Because he wanted to fuck me?

But I didn't love Mika. Yet here I was, hammering away inside her while she moaned my name again and again. Love had nothing to do with love-making.

I felt sick. But I didn't stop my pace. I kept going until I heard Mika scream the loudest she had yet, her hole tightening around my hard dick as she came in jolts. I thrust in a few more times before I cummed inside her.

I shuddered, body slumping forward. Breathing hard, Mika leaned forward for a kiss but I pulled away right before her lips made contact with mine. She didn't notice. She was too far gone to take note of my changed attitude. Instead, she yawned and drifted off to sleep.

I tried to sleep. I had never shared a bed with anyone.

Though when I did fall asleep, that was when they started.

The nightmares.


	5. Hands

**Chapter 5: Hands**

_My feet slip in the snow. _

_I gasp, the iciness of the terrain burning my body as I slide through it. My heart thuds desperately as I wobble back to my feet. My breath comes out in visible white puffs. I'm breathing hard. The sound of knives being sharpened echo all around me. I don't know where they are coming from. _

_I want to cry._

_When I spot the hole in the wall, I almost give a sob of relief. But I clamp my hands over my mouth and quickly scramble in, trying to still my rapidly beating heart and shivering body. I don't care for the cold. I'm dressed in a flimsy robe, for Kami's sake, but my body shakes and shudders as fear seeps everywhere inside me. It's that never ending sound of whistling steel and metal against metal whipping through the air. _

_It sounds like death._

'_Come out, come out,' taunts a shrill voice. It cackles. I almost scream as I hear feet thud above my hiding place. 'Come out and play!'_

_Feet shuffle above me._

'_You know I'll find you,' it speaks knowingly. There was the sound of whirling swords. It sounds like my pursuer has two of them. Now it snarls and I can't help flinching. 'Get stronger, damn it! I can't survive if you continue to be a weakling! I don't care if you break every bone in your body! GET. FUCKING. STRONGER!'_

_It suddenly pauses. I can hear my heart again. I almost sob in anguish, hoping he,__IT, can't hear it. Then, a cold, mirthless giggle permeates through the still air._

'_Found you,' it cackles cruelly._

_Suddenly, a curved blade slashes in front of my cave, the black and gray sleek metal gleaming menacingly. It screams blood and death as it glares at me. _

_I open my mouth and give an ear-splitting shriek._

* * *

I jolt out of bed, hands wrapping around my naked body. My heart felt like it was trying to escape my chest. Once I calmed it down, I could feel the stuffy warmth of the room, my hair sticking to the back of my neck, my skin feeling sticky itself, and my head throbbing painfully.

Sheets ruffled to my left. I take a glance and see a head of silver hair and a peaceful face. It's Mika. Sound asleep. And naked.

Last night came rushing back and I scrambled out of bed, my eyes locked on the still slumbering figure. My body was shaking again as I replayed what I had done that night.

I had had sex. I had actually had sex with a _girl_.

I guess there was nothing wrong with that. Everyone had to hang the virginity belt some time. I was just...I hadn't expected it to be to some stranger. Mika was a very nice girl and it wouldn't have been hard for any Rukongai boy to fall for her. But...I hadn't. I was upset and confused. I had used her. And I felt guilty about it.

Mika mumbled something and rolled over, yanking the blanket higher. My eyes slanted in guilt.

I was her first too, if I remembered correctly. But I don't think she loved me either. I was just there. I guess if she woke up she'd feel just as guilty.

The dampness of my skin was starting to bother me. I needed a bath.

My old robe was dry now. I gathered it in my arms and tiptoed to the door. I hesitated for a bit and glanced back. Mika was still asleep.

'Arigato, Mika,' I whispered and slipped out. I don't think I'd ever see her again. Mostly because, I wouldn't know what to say or do and I wanted to avoid that.

The rain from last night had turned the road into a sloshy, muddy mess. But thanks to the rickety roofs of some houses, the water dribbled down them like waterfalls. I managed to find one tucked into a deserted alley and had the luxury of bathing in the cool rainwater naked. It felt nice to have water dripping down my body, ridding it of my activity of last night.

Guilt welled up again. I tried to concentrate on something else and ended up thinking of snow and swords.

All of the sudden, the water felt unpleasantly cold. I ducked out of it, shivering. Squatting in a corner, making sure I was hidden from view while my body dried, I replayed that horrid dream.

Was it a dream to begin with? Perhaps it was a vision of what's to come. If so, where the hell did all that snow come from and why wasn't I feeling cold then? It was all so strange.

My body was dry now. I slipped into my old robe. My skin tingled as I replaced the white haori in my obi. Whenever I held it, I always felt complete and safe. It was like my lucky charm. I felt protected as long as I held it. I also felt invincible.

I bit my lower lip.

The evil anomaly in my dream was getting to me. It spoke true when it said I needed to get stronger. But how can I do that when I had already failed the exam?

Maybe I was missing something. I know I felt like I gave it my all but perhaps I had forgotten something.

I glanced to my right as I walked out of the alley, eyes trained on the white monolith that was the Shino Academy. The idea running through my head was just too crazy to put down. But at the moment, it seemed like my only option.

I clenched my hands into fists and pelted towards the Academy. I wasn't going to give up. Not when I had come so close.

* * *

'Not authorized,' the bug-eyed man sniffed and continued to shuffle papers at his desk before turning his back to me. My heart plummeted.

'I-I'm sure,' I stuttered, my mouth already dry from the disappointment. 'There must be _something_ you could-!'

'_No, _there isn't!' the Shinigami snapped, swiveling around and glaring at me. 'Deal with it, kid! You failed the exam! Try again next time! We're not allowed to give anyone pointers on how to pass the exam! It's against the rules!'

I scowled now. I was fucking _homeless_. I had nowhere to go, I was _desperate_ for some advice and this _asshole_ was just going to kick me out without even _trying_ to help. Talk about being a heartless _prick_.

'Look,' I spoke again. 'It doesn't hurt to _look_! Maybe the rules might say something dif-!'

'Are you _doubting_ me?' he hissed now. He slammed his hands on the desk and stood up. He was abnormally tall for a Shinigami. 'I've been working in this department for _decades_! I _think_ I know my work better than some snot-nosed, son of a-!'

'Goman!'

A slim, strict-looking man in a lab coat glided around the corner, reading a sheaf of papers. There was something odd about his face.

'Keep your voice down,' the man muttered, scratching one bump protruding from forehead. 'I can't read with you shrieking like that.'

I knew him. He had been the one to take my name for the exam and had also smiled at me.

'Sorry, Akon-san,' the one called Goman grumbled, retaking his seat. 'This brat here just wasn't listening to me.'

'Why not?'

'Well, he kept insisting I tell him what he did could do to prepare for the exam again. See, he failed and-'

'And you were _yelling_ advice to him?'

'No! I was telling him I was not allowed to relay such confidential material!'

'And what is so confidential about some friendly advice?'

'Well, if we went around handing out advice, the Academy would be full of useless Shinigamis like this one.'

He jerked his thumb in my direction. I felt like growling at him. I take back what I said about him. He wasn't a heartless prick. He was a _fucking _heartless prick.

Akon-san glanced at me, as if sizing me up.

'Come along,' he sighed, slapping his booklet on the desk and massaging his forehead in exasperation. 'I'll escort you out, young lad.'

Before I could argue, he already had a firm hold on my elbow and was dragging me away from the desk.

'Hey!' I cried out, abruptly turning a corner. We weren't heading for the exit. Instead, the man was pulling me _around_ the building to a door on the other side. 'What're you-?'

'Ssshh!' Akon-san hushed, putting a finger to his lips.

I pressed my lips together. Just what was this man going to do to me?

Once he was sure I would stay silent, he disappeared behind the door. I stood outside, feeling slightly stupid and fearful in case someone came along to find me like that. I honestly wouldn't know what to say. What if this was all some kind of joke to get me into some kind of trouble?

I felt queasy now. That feeling immediately lightened once Akon-san emerged from the room, a paper in hand.

He scanned it, murmuring some stuff before looking down at me. My heart raced, my mind quickly coming up with the worst possible outcomes. Then, he gave me a wry smile which took me by surprise.

'Shuuhei Hisagi?' he asked kindly. I so stunned I almost forgot to answer. I managed to nod. He looked at the paper again, nodding himself. 'Thought I recognized you. I can't put a face to a name but I can pinpoint a reiatsu to it. That's why when I saw you I knew I had encountered yours before. And might I add, you have _quite_ the reiatsu for a person your age. Rukongai born, I presume?'

A nod again. I didn't trust myself to speak. Honestly, this seemed too good to be true. He was actually _helping_ me?

'Stable home?'

That hurt a bit. I knew he wasn't making fun of me but it always hurt to realize that I didn't have a home.

I shook my head.

'Mm-hm!' he uttered knowingly. 'I had a feeling this would happen. Your reiatsu is impressive but it lacks consistency. What you need is good old-fashioned tender, loving care.' He bent down a little; he was a head taller. He smiled kindly. 'Find yourself a good home, Shuuhei Hisagi. Get some rest, food and warmth. You need it if you want to try again next year.'

He dusted his robes and took to leave but I suddenly grabbed his white coat. He looked back and I felt my face heat up.

'Why are you helping me?' I muttered. I needed to know.

'Well,' he mused and faced me. 'Because you deserve a second chance. Everyone does. And if you were so dedicated to come back and beg for advice, I'd have to say you honestly deserve a place in the Academy.'

He smiled again. And this time, I returned it. Shyly. I was responding at least.

His eyes fell on my hands and his eyebrows quirked.

'May I look at your hands?' he asked curiously. Now it was my turn to raise my eyebrows but I obliged. Hesitating a little, I lifted them up.

He held them, as if weighing them, and then observing them from every weird angle possible. I was tempted to laugh at how he scrunched his nose in concentration. It was kind of cute.

'Very interesting,' he murmured, tracing the lines on my palms. He gave me a bemused grin. 'You are quite blessed to have hands like these.'

My palms tingled as I linked my fingers behind my back. I lowered my head, a little embarrassed by the praise.

'They're only hands,' I muttered.

'To you, perhaps. But to others, they pique interest.'

'How come?' I eyed him curiously. 'For the longest time, I've been told I have interesting hands. I've never thought so. To me, they seem like girl's hands. It's kind of embarrassing.'

To my surprise, Akon-san chuckled.

'Let me put it like this,' he remarked, gently grasping my left arm, bringing one of my hands in view. It was clenched in a fist but he unclenched it. I didn't resist. 'These are very _extraordinary_ hands because of what they look like to different people. To a painter, they will seem symmetrical and perfect for drawing; to a carpenter, they will be smooth and soft; to a scientist, like myself, they look skilled and nimble; to a swordsman, they will appear gentle but dangerous; so on and so forth.'

'But any hand can look like that,' I blurted out, eying him nervously, hoping I hadn't said the wrong thing.

'They could,' he answered with a shrug, releasing my hand. 'They might. I don't know. But at the moment, it seems your hands fit that description the best.' With a polite nod, he turned away to leave. 'Good luck for the exam, Hisagi-kun.'

'Akon-san!' He paused.

I take a deep breath before replying.

'I hope to meet you again when I join the Gotei 13.'

He tilted his head to one side, bemused.

'I hope so too, Hisagi-san.'

* * *

The shopkeeper shook his head at me.

'I'm sorry, little one,' he said softly. His eyes pitied me. 'But I don't have a room to spare.'

My shoulders dropped. This was the last shop on this street. It was also my last hope. Everyone else had either said no rudely, kindly or nothing at all. Those were the worst. They gave me this condescending look like I was an insect. I hated those. I spat in their face and managed to get a good laugh as they tried to chase me. I didn't survive in the roughest parts of Rukongai being a slowpoke.

'Can't you just make room for one more?' I pleaded. My hands twisted desperately in my robes. 'I'll sleep in the attic! I'll even scrub the floors!'

'I know I sound heartless right now,' he replied, his voice straining. 'But we are having a difficult time and I cannot afford to have another mouth to feed.'

He wasn't heartless. I had seen heartless. He was helpless. I forced a smile and bowed. That was the hardest thing to do right now. Just smile and apologize for intruding.

All of a sudden, I wished I hadn't rejected Kazuki. At least I had had someone to turn to. Now, I couldn't bear to ask him for help.

'You might me hate for this,' the shopkeeper spoke suddenly. 'But I have a suggestion.'

I looked up, my eyes widening hopefully. Right now, I'd take _anything_.

'What is it?' I asked eagerly. He looked troubled, his brows knitted in a frown. He sighed heavily.

'The red light district,' he mumbled. I flinched in disgust and immediately backed away from this man, my idea of him being kind slowly disintegrating. He looked pleadingly at me. 'I know I sound horrid but do believe me when I say it will offer you all that I am and more; shelter, food, clothing, money. It's a demeaning way of earning a living but at least you are off the streets.'

I said nothing and took another step out of the shop. He heaved a sigh again.

'It's not an order, young one,' he explained gently. 'It's an option. I would just…I _hate_ to turn someone away without at least _trying_ to help them.'

'I understand,' I mumbled, keeping my head down and fled from the shop. It was getting dark. And I was still homeless.

I wrapped my yukata tighter around my body, wandering around aimlessly as my thoughts whirled like a muddy puddle.

The red light district. Kami, that was _worse_ of the worst. People who lived there took every day like a survival test. If you lived to see the sun set, you were considered lucky. And the hookers, the women _and _men, they made my stomach turn. Kami knew what diseases they had. Why the _hell_ would _anyone_ suggest a place like that for work?

I glanced up at it, not at all surprised that my feet had led me there. After all, it was the only thing on my mind.

'I don't have to live here,' I reassured myself. 'I could earn a living and live somewhere else too.'

That thought actually helped lighten the load on my shoulders. I had one less thing to worry about then. But to _work_ here…

I suddenly had the image of myself having sex with a random person; a woman, a man, all of them jeering at my crying face.

My legs began to tremble. It wasn't exactly a pleasant feeling. But what _choice_ did I have? I had nowhere else to turn to.

'Hey…'

I jumped, heart leaping into my throat as my head swerved around frantically. Surprisingly, they landed on a tall, kindly gentleman in a plain jade robe and thinning black hair. He smiled benignly at me and the tension in my body lessened slightly. Slightly.

'Do you work here?' he asked politely. His eyes shifted about, which made me uneasy. What was he watching for?

'Y-yes,' I stammered, although every nerve in my body screamed "no". The man seemed relieved.

'Oh good,' he chuckled and wiped his brow. 'I was afraid you were a noble's son and I might get in trouble for asking you! Oh! How much do you charge?'

He rummaged about his pockets, probably trying to find some money. Huge sums flashed across my head. He looked wealthy enough. Maybe I could scrounge enough out of him to get a room for one night. Just thinking of a nice, warm bed put my mind at ease. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad…

My hand instinctively ran over my obi and I paused when it rubbed over the spot where I had placed the haori. All of a sudden, the image of a silver-haired man passed before me, a stern and disapproving look across his face as he looked down at me. He shook his head in disappointment and I felt my face flush red in embarrassment. Common sense hit me like a tidal wave and I felt myself hyperventilating.

What the hell was I doing? Was I _crazy_? I wasn't a whore! I wasn't going to lower myself like this! What would…what would that taicho say if he found out? Kami, I couldn't live with that guilt!

The stranger noticed as I took a step away. He looked up quickly, eyes mirroring concern.

'Is something wrong?' he asked, stepping forward.

I stepped back. I no longer trusted him. I didn't want to be anywhere near him _or_ this district.

'G-Gomen!' I uttered, bowing. 'I don't actually work here! I-I'm sorry I lied to you!'

Bowing again, I took to leave when a strong hand gripped my wrist tightly. I glanced back in alarm.

'It's alright if you don't work here,' he assured me. He loosened his grip a little. 'I'll still pay you for your services. If you want more, I'll give you that as well. What do you say?'

I'd say I wanted him to get his hands off me. But judging by the earnest, and _hungry_, way he was eying me, I don't think he would. I gulped, trying to keep my panic down.

'No thank you,' I said quickly. I tried to pry his fingers off but they just wouldn't budge. The panic inside me rose exorbitantly. 'Please, can you let me go?'

'It's okay! I'm not going to hurt you,' the man continued to speak calmly. I suddenly noticed how forced his smile was.

'Let me go.' My voice grew insistent.

'I'm not going to hurt you.' He repeated.

'_Let me go_.' Panic made my voice crack. I began to tug roughly.

'Just stay still.'

'_I said let me go_!'

Panic hit me full on and I began to struggle like my life depended on it. The smile disappeared now. The man scowled and snarled at me, making my eyes widen in horror at how easily an honest mask could slip off at the snap of a finger.

I screamed as he shoved me against a wall, using his body to pin me there. My hands scrambled frantically against the wall, occasionally clawing and beating his backside. But he was unfazed, one hand slamming over my mouth, muffling my screams, and the other searching for something in his robes.

My heart throbbed painfully in my throat, tears threatening to spill from my eyes. His hands smelt disgusting, like a dead animal. When he removed it, I gasped for clean air but quickly pursed my lips when I saw him raising a couple of round blue pills to them.

'Eat it,' he growled, roughly pressing the pills to my mouth. I just glared at him, my eyes sparking in defiance and fear. 'Fucking cunt!'

I suddenly gasped. The man fucking _punched_ me in the stomach.

I saw stars dance before my eyes as I keeled forward. The man forced me to stand up as he thrust the pills down my throat. They felt like bullets sliding down, exploding in the pit of my stomach.

My body suddenly lurched. The man gripped my wrists against the wall as my breathing quickened, my pupils dilated, and my heart raced. Just what the _fuck_ had he given me?

Everything in front of me had meshed into one massive blob. I felt dizzy. My body felt too hot, too cold, too alien. I whined. It echoed in my head.

I heard a chuckle. Clothes ruffled. My body was suddenly horizontal. My head spun painfully. All I could see was the sky and moon. Everything felt so sticky and smelt earthy. I suddenly felt something crawling up my bare legs. I moaned at the touch. They felt cold against my hot skin. I tried to close my legs but those spidery things forced them apart harshly. A squeak escaped my lips.

'C'mon, spread your legs, nice and wide now. That's it. Beautiful, beautiful…'

My head lolled to one side, eyes staring off into space. I wanted to move but my body felt so heavy.

I sobbed as tears clumped on my eyelashes. Fuck, and I promised to never cry…oh, Kami, someone, please _help_ _me._

I frowned. What was that blurry, black shape on one side? There were two ice-white dots in the middle of its face (was that a face?). Was it looking right at me?

I yelped as nails dug into my exposed skin. I heard him chuckle. But that chuckle immediately turned into a shriek of pain. I narrowed my eyes, trying to focus on what was going on. But all I saw was red. Red blossoming from somebody in front of me.

I was suddenly rammed into a wall, losing my bearing for a minute. There were screams again. And a sickening sound of something being sliced open. Then there was this piercing, whistling sound. Like steel sailing through the air before it hit its mark with a loud squelch.

I cringed at that sound. I curled my fingers in the dirt and pulled back as fast as I could. The ground was wet. And when I looked at my palm, it was a sharp crimson. The color seared into my eyes, never wavering even when I closed them.

The screaming finally stopped. All I heard was the soft clopping of feet approaching me. It squished as they trampled through the pool of blood. My heart was already racing but I think it doubled when I felt something hover over me.

A cold, cold finger traced my jawline. My refexes were too slow and I pulled away too late. The voice above me chortled.

'Get some rest, little one,' it murmured. I knew who it was. I cried out softly, my eyes blurring even further with tears. 'You're going to need it.'

It was the voice from my nightmare.


	6. Petals

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while! Inspiration can be the cruelest bitch. Even worse than Karma. And I certainly bear a grudge against Karma…**

**Anyways, this chapter is kinda a connector as I like to call it. It basically links up to the nest chapter in Shuuhei's life. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Petals**

'Oi! Migi! What chu-oi! Whose kid is _that_?'

'Dunno! I just went out to get breakfast and found him in my alley out cold.'

'Wonder what happened to 'im? Shit, is that _blood_?'

'Where-oh, fuck! Where the hell did he get _blood_ on his fucking yukata?'

'_Fuck_, Migi! Get rid of him before them Shinigamis come along and think we did somethin' to 'im!'

'He's quite the looker though. Do you think he's dead?'

'I don't fucking care! Just-!'

My eyes fluttered open. I groaned audibly and rolled over. I winced as a rock bit into my shoulder. Where the hell was I sleeping? Wait, when _did _I fall asleep?

My head swiveled about, taking in my surrounding. I glanced up. There were two middle-aged women standing over me. Both had no make-up on save for blood red lipstick, their skin looking dry and flaky while huge, purpling bags hung under their eyes.

One with her hair in a messy bun and grey eyes crouched over me, biting at her lip in worry. When my eyes landed on her she breathed in relief.

'Oh, thank Kami you aren't dead!' she murmured and glanced at her companion, who had greasy brown hair streaming down her face, dirty yellow irises and an sallow face. It looked like she hadn't smiled in years. 'See, Hidari? The Shinigamis can't blame us if the kid's alive!'

'Doesn't explain the fucking blood,' Hidari grumbled, tugging the obi she had tied in front of her kimono.

'He's probably a butcher's boy. Probably had his first taste of sake and ended up here. Ain't that right, kid?'

I frowned. Blood?

I glanced down and my eyes widened. There was a huge brown stain tinged red splattered across my left hip. I scrambled away from the woman, my heart beating erratically.

Shit, what had happened last night? Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit-

The man. There was a man. And he tried to…to buy me. He tried to force me to have-

Last night came crashing down on me and I keeled over on the side to throw up. My stomach contracted painfully as I emptied everything in there, my throat burning like I had swallowed fire. Both women jumped away from me, squawking in alarm.

'Fuck, kid! You could give us a warning!' Hidari hissed. 'This kimono was a gift from a client!'

'Don't be insensitive, Hidari!' Migi snorted. 'And besides, your clients aren't rich enough to get you something so costly. That thing is probably only worth 100 yen. Who would spend more than that on a whore?'

'You're just jealous I get gifts and you don't!' Hidari scoffed.

I shakily wiped away the drool trailing down my chin. It was probably those damn drugs that man had stuffed down my mouth. It had wrecked havoc on my body. And then there was that figure. That creepy man from my nightmares. I shuddered involuntarily.

He had killed that man in cold blood. I didn't feel sorry for the victim. I didn't even know him. But still, even though he was doing something wrong, he didn't deserved to _die_. Who was the black figure to decide whether that man lived or died? That was _wrong_. To just kill someone, I mean. From what I could remember, it sounded like he had _mutilated_ the body.

Wait, where was the body?

The two prostitutes continued to bicker as I tried to pick myself up. I slipped a little but thank Kami I didn't fall into the puddle of vomit.

'Excuse me,' I stuttered weakly, clinging desperately to the wall. Why won't my legs just stop shaking? At least the two women stopped arguing to pay some attention to me. 'I would really appreciate it if you…if you could tell me if you saw anything…or anyone…in this alley. Other than me.'

Hidari snorted and crossed her arms.

'Can you believe this kid?' she remarked rudely and rolled her eyes. Then she turned to Migi and _completely _ignored me. 'Do we look like the fucking Shinigami patrol, Migi? We have to earn a living around here! Like we have time to watch out for snot-nosed brats!'

'Hidari, sometimes you can be the rudest cunt I have ever met!' Migi snapped sharply. Her outburst stunned both Hidari and me. I hadn't expected her to react so angrily. It shocked me even more when she turned to me, her grey eyes soft and kind.

'We didn't see anything,' Migi answered truthfully. 'I woke up this morning and walked out to find you in this alley, all by yourself, and with that bloodstain. Whatever happened last night, well, I think only you'd know.'

From her tone, I knew she was telling the truth. I looked down at the brown stain in dismay. This was so embarrassing to walk around in. I'd seen a girl with this down her yukata once. All the other girls had made fun of her for weeks. Something about her having a broken vagina and she couldn't control it. I had felt sorry for her but didn't know how she had really felt that moment. Now I did.

'There's a pump nearby you could wash up at,' Migi offered helpfully. 'It looks like it's going to be sunny so it'll dry off rather quickly.'

I gave her a grateful smile. I really liked her. She was kind to me.

My eyes suddenly widened. The haori!

My hands scrambled in the folds of my obi, praying, praying, _praying_ for it to still be there. I felt like my heart was going to leap out of my throat. What if it wasn't there? What if I lost it? What would I do? I-

When my hand clutched around it, the tension in my body melted away. I closed my eyes and evened out my breathing. It was there. It was still there. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

'Whassamatter?' Migi asked in concern. 'Lose somethin'?'

'I thought I had,' I whispered. I withdrew my hand and patted the cloth under my obi. 'I don't want to lose it. It…it means a lot.'

She regarded me thoughtfully.

'Kid, I'll give you some advice,' she said in a calculated tone. Never thought I'd here a prostitute talk in that tone. 'I'm guessin' you ended up here by accident when you really didn't want to. Right? Look see we live in a world that's scary as fuck because the _real _monsters are the ones dressed as people. So word to the wise: stay on your toes. This world ain't going to go easy on us nobodies. We gotta carve a niche for ourselves the hard way. Got it?'

I nodded. I did get it. Just didn't know how I was going to apply it.

She nodded back and smiled. Then, she reached out and ruffled my hair. It actually relaxed me. It was such a kind gesture and I needed one right now.

'Run along now,' she mused and moved aside to give me passage. I mustered enough courage to let go of the wall and walk, albeit shakily, past the two. However, as I passed Hidari, she suddenly gripped my elbow, drawing close so that Migi couldn't hear.

'I got a bit of advice for you too, kid,' she hissed. 'Take a good, long look in a mirror and consider yourself fucking lucky you look like a painter's wet dream. With that in mind, remember that the only reason _anyone_ is going to be interested in a _nobody_ like you is because they want to fuck you. Use that to your advantage. And just hope you age gracefully.'

She uttered a throaty chuckle and withdrew. I ran, my ears ringing and my face burning from her harsh words.

* * *

I found the pump and washed up. But my mind was wandering elsewhere. Such as on the identity of my disturbing hero from last night.

I wish I could've seen his face but it was so dark. But the thing bugging me wasn't the fact of who he was but more of why _me?_

Why did he come to _my _rescue? Why did he try to protect _me_ from that horrid man? And why did he _kill_ that man to keep him away from…

My heart lurched as I remembered fountains of red spraying everywhere. Even though I was out of it, I couldn't forget the red. It had been everywhere. I started feeling sick again. Then my stomach growled.

Yeah, I hadn't eaten anything since…since I met Mika so practically an entire day. Dunno how I survived for so long. Though it was catching up to me now. My head was spinning. At least I was smart enough to drink some water from the pump. But that couldn't really be considered as food.

The marketplace was getting busy now. People were ambling along the dirt road, stopping at stalls to negotiate and buy stuff for their homes. My eyes lingered a little too long on a stall selling watermelons and the owner shooed me away with his walking stick. Even though I barely had any energy left, I still stuck my tongue out at him before scurrying off.

Damn, I _really_ needed something to eat! Maybe I should try and find Mika…

Guilt surged up. I couldn't do that to Mika. I was only using her for food. It was wrong.

My stomach uttered a long, audible growl. A couple passing by gave me an annoyed glance. Like my aching stomach was ruining their morning. We're just never short of heartless pricks, are we?

'Oh dear!' cried out an alarmed voice.

My head immediately turned in that direction, unlike the rest of the crowd. It was an elderly woman dressed in a soft pink kimono with a burnt green-hued obi. She was trying to juggle a bag of apples and another bag of something. She looked so petite and frail that I pitied her circumstance. I _really_ wanted to help but judging from her costly-looking kimono to the orange peel hair ornament in her bun, she looked like a well-off woman who would probably scorn my help. Best I just kept walking and ignored her.

'Oh! Oh! Oh no! Oh, help!' she yelped as one of the bags toppled out of her hand and she watched in horror as it cascaded to the ground. Her eyes widened, though, when a body slid in out of nowhere and saved it from spilling over.

'Best be careful next time,' I stated politely, standing up and handing the package to the tiny woman.

'Oh, bless you, child!' she thanked and took it back gratefully. 'Those are very expensive sweets and I wouldn't want to lose them!'

I liked her tone. It was soft and kind. And not judgmental at all. If I had helped anyone else, they would have taken their package with a hurried thanks and walked off. But this woman…she actually _stopped_ to smile at me and thank me properly. She was…different.

'Would you like me to help you with that?' I asked shyly, daring to let my kinder side show more. I felt it was safe to do so in front of this woman.

My question had an immediate reaction from her. Her eyes widened and then softened, almost tearing up. My heart lurched. I didn't want to make her _cry_!

'Aren't you a kind soul?' she murmured softly. Her words instantly rose my spirits. I had been depressed but her praises seemed to give me life. I even forgot my hunger momentarily. That is, until it voiced its presence loudly. The lady looked down and chuckled richly when my face flushed in embarrassed.

'Well, at least now I know how to repay you for your help!' she remarked, her emerald eyes sparkling. I grinned. I had _definitely_ done the right thing!

* * *

I wasn't wrong when I thought she was well-off. Her house was _enormous_. Well, to me it probably was because I wasn't used to big homes. She had a room for everything; a sitting room, a tea room, the servants' quarters, guest rooms. I asked her why hadn't she asked the servants to get her chores done but she said she wanted to get out for some fresh air. Which just proved my point of how different she is from the rest of the upper class. Which is what I liked about her. By the time we sat down for tea, we knew just about everything about each other.

Her name was Ikebana Reika. Her parents had named her "Reika" because of the sakura petals that were falling at the time of her birth. She had been from old money; meaning her family was an old and greatly respected family. She had married into new money.

Her husband was a renowned businessman. He was also immensely successful and people considered him with great honor. I noticed the way her eyes brightened and she sat up a little straighter when she talked about him as we had tea. I guess her marriage to him was out of deep love rather than necessity. I wonder what kind of man he was around her…

'You are quite the eater!' she laughed as she watched me clean up an entire dish of rice cakes. I don't know why but it embarrassed me slightly. I loved to eat but I had never had anyone comment about it. So it took me by surprise.

'I'm sorry,' I mumbled, putting the dish quietly to one side. She just smiled benignly and rested her elbow on the table so she could cradle her chin.

'Don't be,' she mused. 'I don't exactly have the privilege to be around youthful people. Why would they want to spend time with an old hag like me?'

'You're not old!' I instantly blurted out. And I wasn't embarrassed to say that. I may not have esteemed manners but I don't like to sit around and hide the truth from someone.

'You are a kind boy,' she sighed and took a sip of her green tea. 'But honestly, I am quite old. And I have never been in the presence of children. I was never given the chance.'

Her smile became bitter as she regarded me.

'I am incapable of bearing children,' she explained softly. 'And because of that, it saddened my husband and I for a very, very long time. We were…unable to get along. He would always immerse himself in work and I…was left all alone in our home.'

Her eyes flicked to the ground and to my horror, I saw a single tear trail down one cheek. She noticed the look on my face and quickly wiped away that single drop of emotion.

'Look at me,' she said thickly and tried to laugh it off. 'Baring my soul to stranger and a young boy no less! How silly of me! And here you had just helped me carry my groceries home. You must find me so desperate for company.'

Poor woman. I knew it was wrong of me but I felt a sting of anger towards her husband. It wasn't her fault she couldn't bear children. She was just as upset and she needed his comfort more than ever. Abandoning her was not a way to solve the problem. My heart twisted in pity for her.

I reached out a hand and draped it over hers, offering her my most genuine smile.

'I like your company,' I said honestly. 'And if I was any older, I would whisk you away from here and make sure you know not a single ounce of sadness.'

She flushed darkly but at least she smiled. Then, she cleared her throat and folded her arms on the low table we sat at.

'Hisagi Shuuhei,' she said austerely, 'as a female, I cannot bear to see a strapping boy starve on the streets while he tries to get into the Shinigami Academy! A growing boy needs food in order to build up his strength! Hence, I _insist_ you live under my roof, eat the meals I give you, sleep in a proper bed, have a proper education, and have tea with me every evening. Is that clear?'

My jaw dropped.

'Are you serious?' I blurted out.

'Do I look like I am trying to be amusing?'

'No! I was just…well, I feel awful taking advantage of your hospitality like this…'

'You most certainly aren't. You will earn it. You will do chores for me inside and outside the house. In return, I offer you a home.' Then she leaned forward merrily. 'Do we have a deal?'

I didn't answer. I launched myself across the table and hugged her fiercely.


	7. Announcement

**I'd planned on updating a few stories over the weekend but in light of the shooting in Connecticut I'll hold off the stories for now. I'm sorry if you were expecting a chapter but when I heard the news of the incident I almost cried. I couldn't help empathizing with the parents and people affected by it; what if that was your child? What if that was your mother? It was just...it is just amazing to think that such heartless people can exist...**

**I'm sorry for going all emotional. I hope I can convey my thoughts as best as I can in these lines because I can be bad at expressing myself sometimes especially when I'm upset. **

**Life is so precious and life with family is just priceless. I'm a thousand miles away from my sisters and my parents but I always try to tell them how much I love them and always think about them. So just take out time to tell your parents, your siblings, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, and anyone you remotely care about that you love them. Trust me, those words can make someone's day and make them smile :)**

**Next time, this will be a chapter. Promise. **

**And if you think no ones loves you or something, well, I do. Don't know who you are but you have my love. *hug***


	8. Peaches

**I haven't lost interest in this! I swear! It's just...I'm lazy to the bone XD**

******Hey, I'm doing a poll on my profile again! This time around I was wondering about the gender demographic of my readers. As in, how many of my readers are girls and how many are boys XD**

**********Vote please? :3**

**Chapter 7: Peaches**

'Fuck!' I swore and quickly sucked the cut on my thumb. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to grab that peach from that branch. But those damn trees don't even have thorns! How the hell did I end up getting a deep cut?!

Suddenly, someone slapped me across the back of my neck sharply.

'Ouch! What the-Reika-san!' I blanched as I turned around to face the steely-eyed woman. Shit, she looked terrifying right now…

'Hisagi Shuuhei, watch your tongue!' she snapped and as quick as lightning, reached out to twist my ear painfully. I yelped. 'I will not have you swearing as long as you are under my roof!'

'But I'm not under your roof right now! I'm in the back garden!'

I guess that was a cheeky answer because she began to tug even more viciously on my poor earlobe. When she was satisfied that I was hurt enough, she let go. My ear was on fire.

'No more swear words,' she ordered, wagging a finger at me. 'Or I'll start feeding you rats without you even knowing it.'

Oh Gods, fuck no.

I nodded obediently. She smiled. Then she saw my bleeding thumb and her face fell.

'You poor dear!' she gasped and began to usher me back into the house. 'You're hurt! What were you trying to do?'

It's amazing how she can switch from a cruel teacher to a gushing mother in the blink of an eye. But I guess that's what's so pleasant about Reika-san.

'Trying to get a peach,' I mumbled as she ordered Leila, one of the maids, to fetch some bandages and hot water.

'You cut yourself while trying to get a _peach_?' Reika-san tutted as we sat on the porch in the back garden. 'Honestly, Shuuhei, either you do this on purpose or you are simply accident-prone.'

I sulked as she dabbed at my wound. I mean, I knew I was always getting hurt (just last week I got a splinter under my skin while cleaning the floor. And I wasn't even cleaning. I was carrying the water bucket for the maid) but I didn't need people to _point it out_. I can't help it! Can't that see that?!

Anyways, I tried to maintain what little pride I had by not flinching as she bandaged the cut. I lost my composure when she started chuckling. I looked at her in surprise.

'What's so funny?' I asked incredulously.

'Oh, nothing, nothing,' she giggled and pushed a stray strand of her hair behind her head. She beamed at me as she looked up. 'It's just…all of this just reminded me of the story about Momotaro.'

I just stared blankly. Momotaro?

She noticed my moment of confusion and now _she_ looked confused.

'Don't you know the story about Momotaro?' I shook my head. Her eyes widened. 'But just about every child in Rukongai knows it!'

I was feeling stupider by the minute now.

'I…' I murmured, lowering my gaze in embarrassment. 'I never had anyone…to teach me anything…'

Reika-san inhaled sharply. Then, she stood up and quickly walked away. I glanced at her retreating back in surprise. Where was she off to?

She returned eventually with a thin, prettily bound, lilac-covered book and gracefully sat back next to me. She glowed with pride as she ran a hand over the cover, which I noticed looked a little worn for wear.

'This,' she whispered, 'was my book when I was a little girl. My ojiisan would read it to me every night.'

'What it is?' I asked curiously, peering over to try to decipher the title.

'It is a collection of folktales,' she replied and gently peeled it open. The papers were yellowing around the edges but the writing was as crisp as ever and the pictures…the pictures were _beautifully_ drawn and so _detailed_. I was in awe.

'Ah! Here it is!'

She turned one wafer-thin page. There, written in bold strokes, was "Momotaro".

'What's the story about?' I asked, searching the page for the answer.

'It's about a boy who came to a childless woman in a peach.'

'Oh.' My eyes widened. '_Oh_!'

She was laughing again.

'It's not _that_ funny,' I huffed.

She just laughed a bit more and ruffled my hair. I felt warm inside. Being here with her, it felt nice. It had only been a few months but every day still felt so new to me. It was like a dream that I never wanted to end.

'Shuuhei, would you like me to read it to you?'

The question startled me and I stared at her in bewilderment. No one had ever…

'Or would you rather read it your-'

'No! Please, I would love it if you could read it to me.'

The smile she gave me was dazzling.

'Leila,' she called. 'Fetch us some herbal tea. I believe we will be out here for a while. And, Shuuhei, you can sit closer! I'm not going to eat you!'

She wrapped an arm around me while I leaned against her and held the book with both hands. She cleared her throat.

'"A long, long time ago,' she recited 'there lived an old man and an old woman…'

Yes, I never wanted this dream to end.

* * *

'And ever since that time, when people have seen smoke from that volcano they say, "Ah, Princess Kaguya's letter and potion are still burning,"' Reika-san murmured and closed the book softly. 'The end.'

She covered her mouth and yawned.

'Goodness, it is late!' she exclaimed and looked about the dark garden. 'I never realized how long the story of Kaguyahime was until today! You have quite an appetite for stories, Shuuehei!'

'I've never had anyone read to me before,' I sighed and curled up closer. 'It felt nice.'

The garden looked so pretty in the dark. The little fireflies sparked here and there while the crickets chirped to their own song.

Reika-san stood up with the lantern.

'Coming, Shuuhei?'

'In a minute. I want to listen to the crickets sing.'

'Sing?'

'They're singing right now. I just feel bad leaving in the middle of it.'

Reika-san looked at me in amusement.

'You are the strangest boy I have ever met, Shuuhei,' she remarked. 'You get injured in the strangest ways, you can sit for hours listening to me read silly stories, and you like to spare the feelings of insects.'

I smiled sheepishly and continued to stare out, getting lost in the sounds around me. This world had been my home once. I can't forget about that life so easily when it had been my sole comfort as a child.

'Get to bed soon,' Reika-san sighed and ruffled my hair. 'And wake up early tomorrow. I have a surprise for you.' She kissed my forehead. 'Sweet dreams, Shuuhei.'

I smiled ruefully as she left.

If only…

* * *

'_What do you want from me?!' I shriek and scramble down the snowy hill, almost tumbling face first. I slam against a tree and immediately put my back to it, staring around wildly. 'Show yourself!'_

_A high-pitched cackle._

'_Why?' the voice sings. Wind whips around me. My eyes dart about, trying to find the source. 'Why? Why? Why?'_

_I suddenly feel something, _someone, _breathing down the back of my neck. _I_ choke back a sob. _

'_Because you want to kill me…' I whimper. _

_The breathing stops. I am afraid to breathe. Then, my blood freezes as the voices chuckles deeply. Suddenly, my head is wrenched back by my hair and something cold and sharp teases my neck. I want to scream but no sound comes out._

'_Now why would I want to do that?' the voice whispers huskily in my ear._

* * *

I woke with a jolt. Heart thumping wildly in my chest, I look around quickly before breathing again. No one. I was alone. Thank Gods.

Sunlight poured into my room as I make my bed. I reach under my pillow to pull out the white haori cloth. I rubbed the fabric between my fingers, shivering at the feel. I almost felt empty, wishing I was touching the _actual_ thing, worn by the _actual_ owner of this cloth.

'I will soon enough,' I remind myself and tuck the cloth in my obi before running to the bathroom. 'Just wait till the next exam.'

It wasn't going to happen for another couple of months but I was mentally preparing myself. I think last time I walked in feeling too overconfident. This time I was going to be more cautious.

'You are late,' Reika-san said curtly, tapping a finger on the wooden table. I winced.

'I didn't sleep well,' I muttered as I hid behind my bowl of rice while I ate.

'That isn't going to help every time, Shuuhei,' she sighed. 'No matter, come. I have to show you something.'

I wanted to finish my meal but I doubted Reika-san would wait for me. She took to me a room with a single glass cabinet stocked full of thick books. I glanced nervously at them as she opened the cabinet with a key. Was she going to make me read _all _of them?

'You are going to read all of these books, Shuuhei,' she remarked, looking high and low for something. 'It's for your exam preparation. A Shinigami must not only be physically adept but mentally as well. Why, look at the Kuchikis! Never has there existed a noble clan so wise and skilled!'

I bit back a groan.

Perfect. Just _perfect_.

'Here we go!'

She pulled out probably the thickest book in there. My eyes almost popped out when I saw the size. And when she blew dust off it and I almost gave in. No way in _hell _was I going to read a book as ancient as the earth!

Then she opened it up to a page, skimming over until her eyes lit up. She nudged the book to me.

'Read it,' she urged. 'You'll like it.'

Curious, I read it aloud:

_Over the wintry_

_forest, winds howl in rage_

_with no leaves to blow._

I shivered. That sounded so…eerie. But strangely beautiful. I liked it.

I immediately started reading the next one.

_The old pond;_

_A frog jumps in-_

_The sound of the water_

'Are these poems?' I murmured, eyes already trailing over to the next one. It was like I couldn't get enough and just had to keep reading.

'Not just any poems. Haikus.'

'Haikus?'

'Japanese style poems. They have a certain rhythm and rhyme to them unlike other poems hence very few can write such lovely ones. The ones you just read are by Natsume Soseki and Matsuo Basho respectively. The best haiku poets, in my opinion. I can read their works for hours.'

I could understand why. It was like they wove a spell that pulled you in and once they did, it was hard to get out.

'This is your first lesson, Shuuhei,' Reika-san said, sounding strict all of a sudden. 'I want you to finish this book within a week. And every day I will ask you what you learned from reading them until you have finished the book. Then we will move onto the next one. Am I clear?'

'Huh? Y-yes! Perfectly, Reika-san!'

'Good.' Then she smiled warmly. 'I saw how much you enjoyed the stories yesterday and I had a feeling you might love haikus. Who knows? You might write some of your own one day.'

Me? Write like Soseki and Basho? I don't think I ever could. They sounded so _flawless_ and I…I was nothing special.

'Don't look so depressed, Shuuhei!' she chuckled, swatting my nose playfully. 'You can do it! If a boy can call crickets chirping singing then I am sure that writing haikus will be second nature to him!'

I gave her a bemused look.

'Chop! Chop!' She clapped her hands. 'Time is off the essence! Or I'll start quizzing you right now!'

Chuckling to myself, I quickly immersed myself in the world of Basho and Soseki.

* * *

I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to sleep. If I fell asleep, I'd be there again. _He'd _be there again. I couldn't go there right now. I just _couldn't._

My eyes started to droop but I wrenched them open, scolding myself for giving in so easily. Trying to stay up, I started chanting my favorite haiku like a mantra.

'Over the wintry forests,' I murmured, curling up into a ball and slipping a hand under my pillow to clench the haori cloth, 'winds howl in rage, with no leaves to blow. Over the wintry forests, winds howl in rage, with no leaves to blow. Over the-'

The floorboards creaked. I started out of bed, panic stirring inside me. Was it…_him_?

A light glimmered across my shoji door. I ducked under the covers, staying silent. A shadowy figure glided by and I squinted at it. It looked like…a woman. How strange.

As the figure passed, I quietly peeked out and raised an eyebrow. It was Reika-san. What was she doing roaming about at this time?

I don't know what possessed me to follow her. And I don't know why she went to open the entrance because all she did was stare out. Though thanks to the light from the moon I could see what she was wearing and that surprised me even more.

She donned her best purple and turquoise kimono. I knew it was her best because she only wore it on special occasions, like visiting the Kuchikis. And she also only did her hair up ornately like that when she went to visit them.

I frowned. Just what was Reika-san doing?

After a while, she sighed heavily and closed the door. She stood there, motionless. I was tempted to go up to her when I saw her shoulders shaking. And I heard her sobbing.

'Please,' she cried. 'Please come back to me, Kazuo. _Please_…'

* * *

'Have you been sleeping well, Shuuhei?'

I glanced up from the book I was reading. I had finished the book of haikus in half a week so Reika-san decided I could move onto the next one. I didn't tell her I read the book through the night. Partially because I loved it so much and couldn't stop. And also partially because it stopped me from sleeping and having nightmares. Guess the lack of sleep must finally be catching up to me now.

'Of course I am, Reika-san! Why do you ask?' I tried to sound as normal as possible. Like I had absolutely nothing to hide.

'You've been very restless lately and flinch at the slightest sound. You also have horrendous bags under yours eyes which you are doing a poor job of hiding.'

No getting out of this one.

'Talk to me, Shuuhei,' she said softly and reached out to gently squeeze my hand. I tensed. Should I tell her?

'I've been having…nightmares.'

'Ah.' A pause. 'Are you afraid of going to sleep?'

'…yes.'

She stared at her hand on top of mine. I suddenly realized I was shaking a little. I gently withdrew my hand from hers and clasped both of mine in my lap to ease the trembling. She folded her own under the table after a while.

'Would you like to sleep in my room then, Shuuhei?' she said quietly. I raised an eyebrow. 'I know it can get…lonely being by yourself. I just thought…you might like the company.'

'…I'd like that.'

She beamed and went back to drinking her tea.

I don't think I did it for myself. At that moment, when I looked at her, I suddenly remembered her crying and I knew I never wanted her to be sad again.

* * *

'Shuuhei?'

'Yes, Reika-san?'

'I was just wondering, that if my husband agreed to it, would you like to be our adopted son?'

I felt like my heart had stopped.

'It's just that…I feel like I have grown to love you as my own. And I have never felt like this with any other child I have brought into my home. But with you, I feel like you are a part of me and all I want to do is shower you with my love and affection for as long as you will let me. Now, you don't have to give me an answer now. But whenever you are ready, I will talk to my husband about it. Would you…would you like that, Shuuhei?'

I swallowed thickly, my throat dry.

'I do not know what it's like to have a mother, Reika-san,' I murmured and snuggled up closer to her, inhaling her warm, jasmine scent. 'But because of you, I do now and I would do anything to keep this.'

She kissed my forehead.

That night I dreamed of snow. But he wasn't there. It was just me, with my piece of cloth, singing the haiku about the howling wind.

* * *

'Shuuhei!'

'Yes, Reika-san?'

'I know you are studying but do you think you could run to the store and buy rice? It seems we are almost out and I have all the servants busy cleaning the house.'

'What for?'

Her face lit up.

'My husband is coming home in a few days,' she whispered dreamily.

'Alright, alright, I'll go. Really, Reika-san, you're acting like a schoolgirl.'

'You'll understand when you fall in love and are separated from her for far too long!'

'Gods forbid…'

I was off before she could whack me behind the head. I knew her too well now. And she knew me too well. Almost like we were family.

Her words from that night echo in my head, practically making me skip my way to the shops. I was already imagining the future, where I was a student of the Academy and coming home for the holidays to spend time with Reika-san, my _okasan_, and my otosan. I didn't know what he looked like but I envisioned him to be stern but caring. I mean, if you have a wife like Reika-san, you can't be _all_ bad. Right?

'2 kilos of rice, please,' I said politely, as Reika-san had taught me. The portly man behind the counter raised both eyebrows.

'2 kilos?! What's a boy like you going to do with 2 kilos of rice?' he laughed but was already measuring out the amount.

'Eat it! What else, Bato?' tutted a skinny man on the adjacent counter as he sold spices to an elderly woman.

'All by his little self, Saito? He's a runt!'

'I am not!' I said crossly, forgetting the mannerisms Reika-san taught me. Sometimes, you gotta let the inner Rukon in you come out to get some respect. 'I ain't a pig! I'm on an errand for someone!'

The fruit seller from across barked a laugh.

'E's got spunk that's what e's got!' he grinned, revealing six brown teeth still intact in his mouth.

'Who, Manu?' said the vegetable man as he rolled his cart into his stall next door. He squinted at me. 'Never seen him before.'

'Probably a new errand boy for the Shiba clan or something, Ryuuji,' Bato grunted, tying up the bag of rice for me. 'Right, little lad?'

'Um, no. I live with Ikebana Reika. She just took me in a few months ago.'

The man's face fell. He glanced at his neighbors, eyes slanted in worry. Confused, I looked about and saw the rest wore equally anxious expressions.

'What?' I asked, slightly impatient. 'What is it? Did I say something wrong? Or do you all have something against Reika-san?'

My need to protect her honor flared. I wasn't going to let these idiots mock her.

'No, no,' Manu said uneasily. 'It's just…boy, you haven't met…her husband yet…have you?'

His tone made me uncomfortable. What kind of question was that?

'Not yet. He's coming in a few days.' My heart flipped as I spoke again. 'Why do you ask?'

Again, they all glanced at each other. It was starting to get annoying. Like they were hiding something.

'You're not the…first boy Reika-san has brought to her house,' Saito said delicately. 'Haven't you wondered why she only has female servants around the house?'

He was right. It just hit me. Why hadn't I noticed before?

'They say that Ikebana-san is a jealous man,' Manu murmured, leaning forward over a tower of melons. 'That he does not like his wife near men. When she first brought a boy home, everything was just fine. Pretty fellow; sweeping black hair, light eyes, not too different from you. Then her husband came home. And that's when things started to go bad.'

'The boy would disappear from months on end,' Ryuuji took over, running a hand over his bald scalp. 'And when anyone did see him, he looked like a corpse. One day, he disappeared altogether. Same day, Ikebana-san left and never came back. Until the next boy, that is.'

'Until the…next?'

Did I really sound that nervous?

'It seems Reika-san never learned,' Bato sighed gravely. 'I guess she thought she could protect the boys every time but she never could. They would always be gone along with her husband.'

'That is a sad house,' Saito whispered. He was soon distracted by a customer. Soon, so were the others. I just stood there feeling numb. But mostly betrayed.

Had Reika-san been lying to me all this time? About everything? Had she even told me anything true? Hearing everything today, trying to absorb it all, was making my head swim. I felt like I was drowning. Drowning in a sea of ice, snow and biting winds.

'Little lad…'

I glanced up helplessly at Bato. The man smiled kindly and handed me the rice.

'Reika-san is a wonderful woman,' he said softly. 'I do not doubt that any kindness she has shown you is a hoax. I do believe it is possible to continue to live with her. My advice would be to avoid her husband. _At all costs_. It is your only way of survival. You got that?'

I gulped and nodded weakly.

'Good boy. And don't forget; stay on your toes. You can do this.'

My hand instinctively touched the cloth in my obi.

'No,' I thought sharply, 'I _have _to.'

**Ojisan: grandfather**


	9. Pity

**I haven't abandoned this story! I've just had a busy year but I'm trying to update everything now that my semester is FINALLY ending! Just two exams left yayyyyy**

**Okay so NOW things are getting heated! Thank you to all who have reviewed, alerted and favorited this story! It means a lot! Really! It's what encourages me to write more!**

**Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8: Pity**

'Reika-san…'

'Hmmm…'

'It's getting late. You should get to bed.'

'Mmmm…'

I glanced at her pitifully. Reika-san had been hustling and bustling all day trying to have every room so pristine you could see reflections in the reflections. She even had the most delicious dishes made for the occasion. I was so tempted to steal a _manjū _from the table but I lost my appetite seeing the poor, frazzled woman. That and because of that weird tale I heard in the market today.

I shivered. So there had been other boys before me. And each one had disappeared without a trace. Right after Reika-san's husband had arrived. That was just strange. _Extremely _strange. Okay, not strange. _Creepy_. The more I thought about it, the more frightening it all got. Just what kind of man was he?

I glanced at Reika-san. The woman was looking out a window listlessly. The sun had set a long time ago and the moon was perched high in the night sky. I could tell it was getting late because my eyelids were starting to droop. And so were Reika-san's. But the woman was stubbornly sitting at the table, waiting. Ikebana-san was supposed to arrive in the evening. He never came. I didn't know whether I was relieved or angry. I know I wasn't ready to meet the man. Not after what I heard. But seeing Reika-san looking so exhausted, because she had been working so hard for _him_, and seeing her efforts go to waste _really _ticked me off.

Her head bobbed wearily but she quickly sat up straight again, alert. I sighed in exasperation.

'Reika-san, _please_, you should get some rest now,' I said gently, padding across the room to touch her arm. She was wearing a beautiful kimono today. Rusty red, autumn orange and sunny yellow hues, like a crisp October morning. Her hair was woven back in an intricate bun to show off her perfectly painted face. She almost looked like a young geisha. Except for the tired bags now under her eyes that gave her age away.

'In a bit, Shuuhei,' she murmured, even her voice sounding tired. 'I'll stay up a bit longer. Perhaps my husband is running late and is on his way right now.'

Even she didn't believe the lie she was feeding me. I could tell by the tone of her voice.

'He'll be here in the morning, Reika-san,' I suggested helpfully. 'Just because you'll go to sleep doesn't mean he'll be gone.'

Her hands tightened into fists and her gaze wavered for a second from the window.

'You don't know him,' she murmured softly. I swallowed. Maybe I did. More than I cared to. Since this morning, I was liking Ikebana-san less and less. His wife was so kind and gentle but he…he sounded cold and distant. He didn't sound like a good person. Not for a woman like Reika-san.

'It was awfully rude of him not to show up,' I suddenly blurted out. 'You worked so hard but it's like he doesn't even care-!'

_SLAP!_

I wheeled back, stunned. My left cheek was on fire. Reika-san glared at me.

'Don't you _ever,'_ she hissed menacingly. 'Say _anything _to dishonor _my _Kazuo. _Do you hear me_?'

I jumped. This wasn't Reika-san. Reika-san would _never _use such a harsh tone. And she would never…

My cheek throbbed.

'I-I'm sorry,' I mumbled, tearing my eyes away from her scowling face. 'I won't do it again.'

'Keep your word, _boy_! I won't have you speaking ill of my husband. It is _his _earning that feeds and clothes you. Do you know how renowned he is in Rukongai? Men are _honored _to be in his presence! And they should be! Just like you should be! You do not understand the respect he commands from people! He is kind, honest, loving, car-!'

'_He's nothing but a monster!'_

My heart beat frantically against my ribcage and I kept blinking to fight back tears. Even Reika-san had stopped talking.

I don't know what came over me. Maybe the pain smarting my cheek was too much and I was just spitting nonsense. Or maybe hearing about this "Kazuo" was making me sick to my stomach because I _knew _it was all a big, fat lie. Either way, I had said it. And stupidly enough, I said more.

'They always disappear,' I said in a quivering voice, looking everywhere but at Reika-san. Kami knows what look she was giving me right now. 'You've brought other boys to this house and they always disappear. Right after your husband finds them. He _hurts _them. He beats them up. And you just…' I clenched my hands into fists at my sides…'and you just _let _him. How can he be such an honorable man if he does things like that? _How, _Reika-san?'

How? How? _How? _I was angry. Not a lot but enough. _How _could Reika-san hide such a horrifying secret from me? _How _could she pretend that her husband was some "great" man? And _how _could she punish me when all I was trying to do was stick up for her? It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't-

I inhaled sharply. My face was pressed up against soft fabric as a warm body wrapped itself around me. I looked up, startled.

'Reika-sa-' I started when I noticed the tears streaking down her face. All my anger quickly melted away.

'I'm sorry!' I cried out, hugging her as hard as I could. 'I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry, Reika-san! I didn't mean to make you cry! Please, Reika-san, _please _don't-!'

'It's not your fault, Shuuhei,' the older woman said thickly. She stroked my hair gently. 'It never was. You were just trying to take care of me. And besides, it is I who should be apologizing to you for what I did.'

She brushed a hand against my sore cheek. I willed myself not to flinch. It still stung.

'I should have told you,' she whispered fearfully, pulling me closer, like she was trying to protect me from something. 'I should have told you about the others and what happened in this house. But I was afraid. I was afraid that if you knew you would run away. And then I would be all alone again. Kazuo is always overseas and I'm always at home, alone and childless. It's _painful_, Shuuhei. It always is.'

She took a shuddering breath.

'You're different from the others, Shuuhei, I want you to know that,' she said carefully, a hand brushing gently through my hair. 'I would do _anything _for you. I want you by my side always so I can shower you with my love. I want my husband to see that and appreciate you. He needs to-'

'He frightens me…'

The elderly woman froze, her arms still around me but I could feel them tense up. For a minute, I thought she was going to hit me again.

'Shuuhei, he's not such a bad man,' she finally said, almost in a whisper. She seemed so desperate and feeble right now that I felt guilty worrying her like this. But…

'I-I'm sure he isn't,' I quickly lied. 'But…I'm not ready yet, Reika-san. I've heard so much today that I'm confused. I just want…I want…'

I didn't know what I wanted really. Never to see him? Never to have heard those awful rumors? I don't know.

Reika-san inhaled deeply.

'Then perhaps we can wait,' she finally murmured, combing her fingers through my hair once more. 'Perhaps…now is not the right time.'

I felt a heavy load lift off my chest. It wasn't what I wanted. But…it was a start.

'I'll send you off to my ojiisan's early tomorrow morning,' she continued, her voice getting stronger now. 'You can stay there until Kazuo leaves. You'll love my ojiisan. He is a great man. Very learnt. He will continue your education and probably do a better job than me.'

'I don't think so.'

'Oh? And why not?'

'Because nobody can twist my ear to make me study like Reika-san can.'

She laughed, soft but merry. She was her old self again. It made me smile. She kissed me on the head.

'Off to bed,'she remarked. 'I'll be there shortly.'

Making sure she was alright one last time, I padded off. I knew she was still a little upset about my attitude towards her husband. But at least she understood enough to give me some time. I think that's what I needed rather than wanted. Time to think and prioritize. I had my entrance exam coming up and it was stressing me out. Maybe that's why I freaked out a little upon hearing those rumors. For starters, they were just _rumors_ and rumors tend to be exaggerated. Maybe Ikebana-san wasn't as evil as he seemed. A little strict but not downright cruel enough to _beat _the other boys. Right?

I finished brushing my teeth and changing into my sleeping yukata before making my way to Reika-san's sleeping quarters. I peeked in and frowned. She wasn't there. Didn't she say she'd be going to bed soon? Or had she been lying to me? My frowned deepened. That wasn't like her.

That's when I heard muffled sounds echoing down the hall. Was that Reika-san? No, there was another person. I could hear another, deeper voice as I drew closer, my curiosity growing. It was coming from the room I had left Reika-san in. Fear clenched my heart. What if a thief had snuck in and was hurting Reika-san right now?

'You stupid, _stupid _woman!'

I flinched in fright. It was the other voice. A man's. And it sounded furious.

'_Every _time I come back all I ever hear are your whimpering words and pathetic pleas. It's disgusting! All I want is to be left along in my _own _house! Just disappear, you wretched woman!'

'Kazuo…please…don't say that…'

My entire body froze. That was Reika-san. And she was crying. Her sobs were tearing my heart apart. So then that means, that the man in that room, was…

'Just because I am your husband doesn't mean I am weak to your cries!' Ikebana-san spat. 'I am a man of honor and respect! I do not surrender to a woman's-damn it all, stop _crying _already, you wretch! Stop-_damn you!'_

I jumped, clamping a hand over my mouth to muffle a gasp as a sharp crack resounded from the room. The crying had stopped but only to be replaced by a pained shriek. My heart thudded loudly in my ears, my mind a muddled mess.

He just hit her. He _hurt _Reika-san. He was her _husband_. What was…what was _wrong _with him?

'Stop crying,' he breathed heavily. Stuttered sobs filled the air now. 'I _said _stop crying. If you stop crying I won't hit you again.'

The sobs continued, even though I could tell Reika-san was trying really, _really _hard to stop. An aggravated sigh left the man's lips. There was a pause from him, as if he was getting ready to hit her again. My heart was about to burst. I couldn't take it anymore.

'_Stop it!'_

I barged into the room, breathless and body trembling. I don't know what I was thinking. This was the man from those horrifying rumors. I was facing him _right now_. I had probably signed my own death warrant. However, the only thing I could think of was how _ordinary _this man looked.

He was going bald. He had jet black hair but it was pulled back so tightly it almost looked like he had no hair at all. There were also lines on his forehead and around his mouth, crow's feet also strewn along the corners of his eyes which were nothing but scowling, squinty black pupils. The cruel man, the so-called respectable man of the Rukongai, was nothing but a mean, middle-aged man with bad hair. That thought actually made me less afraid.

Ikebana-san narrowed his eyes at me.

'Who are you?' he barked. 'What are you doing in my house? If you're a thief I'll have you arrested! I am Ikebana Kazuo, one of the renowned merchants of Rukon-!'

'I don't care,' I growled. For some reason, I was getting bolder. Maybe because this man wasn't scary. He was just a bully. And I'd dealt with worse bullies. 'You have no right to hurt Reika-san. She had done nothing but love you and the least can do is thank her. Not beat her up!'

The man stared at me incredulously. I could be wrong but perhaps this was the first time someone had spoken back to him like that.

Good.

'Kazuo!' Reika-san suddenly stuttered, struggling to stand up. I felt another painful pang in my chest from watching her. Even the side of her face where he had hit her was red and swollen. Bastard.

'D-don't mind him, Kazuo, my love,' she continued, trying to sound calm but her voice quivered. 'He's just…just Leila's nephew. Here to study for the entrance exam. He'll…he'll be leaving soon so don't…he's not important…'

Her voice got smaller and smaller as she watched her husband. Ikebana-san was probably listening. But then again, maybe he wasn't. It was hard to tell since he just kept scowling and scowling as he looked at me. I didn't dare flinch under his gaze. My days of being a frightened crybaby were over. If I wanted to protect those I cared about I had to be strong. Just like the 9th Division taicho. The thought of him wiped away all my fears at that moment.

Ikebana-san finally sneered.

'Waste of time, if you ask me,' he muttered. He suddenly looked back at his wife, making her flinch. 'Having a servant's bastard protect you? Have you sunk so low, Reika?'

Reika-san whimpered. I gritted my teeth, ready to fly at the man when he quickly walked past me, shoving me in the shoulder as he did. I stared after him in surprise. That was it?

Reika-san broke down.

'Kazuo, wait!' she cried out, stumbling after him. Her hair had come undone while her kimono had unraveled, part of the obi strewn across the floor. She no longer looked like an elegant geisha but a woman who just lost her honor. It was embarrassing to think about let alone watch.

'Kazuo, _please_! Please come back! I've missed you! I promise I won't cry! I won't-Kazuo! KAZUO!'

Her sobbing echoed all the way down the hall. I was suddenly reminded of a dog I had seen as a child. It had maimed both its front paws really badly and because of that, the animal doctor had to amputate them. I remember pitying the dog because it would never be able to run again.

I think I pitied Reika-san more than I pitied that dog.


End file.
